Your Opportunity to Share in My Millions

Recently, Kelly and I took a long trip, aided and abetted by Maria, our GPS. Maria is so named after Julie Andrews character in "The Sound of Music," my wife's deep and abiding childhood love.

And, of course, we had a choice at the outset: American English or British English. And given that choice, what warm-blooded American wouldn't choose the cooler accent? Hence, Maria was born.

This has sparked an ongoing conversation between my wife and me about our ticket to fortune: GPS accents that not only are cool, but are also respond in keeping with their culture.

For example, the Jamaican-accented GPS: "You missed da turn, mahn! No worries! We recalculate it. We get there eventually, mahn!"

Or, the drunk-angry-Scotch-Irish accent I refer to as Uncle Argyle: "Ay, laddie! You missed the turn! You nitwit! You listen to your Uncle Argyle and we'll all get there much faster!"

Kelly recently had a nice additional wrinkle: theme-based, celebrity voices.

So the Christian GPS voice would, of course, be Kirk Cameron. And Kirk would say something Christian along with every direction he uttered. For example: "Take a u-turn at the next light. A u-turn is like repentance. It means to turn away from your sins. If you don't do the u-turn in your own life, you'll get Left Behind."

One could imagine an NFL-themed GPS, with a voice by John Madden in his first encore performance post-retirement. Perhaps a Sierra Club GPS, a "Twilight" GPS, the sky is the limit.

So, my dear friends and readers far and wide, here's your opportunity to get in on the ground floor of our millions: any ideas for culture or theme-based GPS-voices? Get in now!