The Grandparent Genome Project

After spending this weekend with the wife and kids at my parents house, I believe I'm ready to go public with my theory on what happens when the people who I formerly referred to as "my parents" become this thing called "the grandparent."

The findings are still in their infancy, but here's what we believe might be happening.

Upon hearing the first shrill cry of the first grandchild, the pituitary in the specimen heretofore referred to as "the parent" releases an unprecedented number of endorphins. They become "the grandparent."

These endorphins have uncanny affects on behavior, memory, and relational patterns.
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For example, the mother who formerly considered Rice Krispy Treats a breakfast treat and who considered Froot Loops to be a snare from the pit of hell, suddenly bends over backwards as "the grandmother" to ensure that no breakfast at her house goes without syrup, powdered sugar, cinnamon, chocolate, or a dizzying combination of all of the above.

Such behaviors can cause the human who formerly knew "the grandparent" as simply "the parent" to wonder who is this woman and what have they done with your mother?

Please do not be alarmed. Our findings show that in most cases, there has been no
extraterrestrial interference. We believe that for the most part, the extraordinary changes in behavior are the result of the grandparent genome.

Of course, in a small percentage of cases the grandparent genome appears to be absent and upon hearing the first shrill cry of the grandchild there is no endorphin release. In these cases, there is no over-the-top doting, no spoiling, no worshipping the ground the grandchild walks on.

Such cases, though rare, are the cause of much sadness and heartache to the specimens who are now the parents of the grandchild. Which perhaps goes to prove the necessity and importance of the grandparent genome.

Our findings, as noted earlier, are still in their infancy. We will release more information as it becomes available.