What's Wrong with Dads...And Why

The other day I was at the beach and noticed a dad of three kids who spent the whole time taking pictures of his kids rather than playing with them.

I'm not sure if this is symbolic of how he relates to his kids or not, but it got me thinking about us dads, how we hide behind other things rather than relate to our families (wives included), and why that is.

What we hide behind varies by temperament and personality: work, hobbies, the yard, the house, the t.v. One student's dad hid behind serving. He would do anything for anyone. He even served around the house in the name of helping the family but he was running--he was emotionally detached from everyone in the family.

Even as I watched the photo-taking dad the other day, I realized that I was tempted to sit there and hide behind thinking about how dad's hide rather than digging in the sand with my own kids.

Why do we hide? Larry Crabb's book The Silence of Adam is far and away one of the best books on men--what's gone wrong, and what repentance looks like.

Crabb proposes that the story of the fall of Adam and Eve is instructive about men's sin. The Genesis account explicitly says that Eve gives the fruit to Adam "who was with her." Adam is there the whole time of the temptation and says nothing.

The curse is then pronounced, and all of Adam's curse has to do with work. And so, men are bent towards work.

Adam's silence in the face of relational chaos is indicative of our brokenness. In the midst of the temptation, Adam is silent when he should have spoken.

Crabb suggests that men were made to live by courage, not code. But we prefer code. We like to know the rules, have a clear idea of what to do, when we're right, how to proceed, what's expected of us.

Work, hobbies, the yard, all have codes and clear outcomes. The family is chaotic, uncertain and unpredictable. It is much easier to blog than to husband. It is much simpler to be a CPA than to bring up wise and character-rich children.

I hope and pray that I might be a dad who chooses to live into the familial relationships that God has given to me rather than to choose the easier path of work-aholism or escapism by other means. I, too, have the longing for code in me. It is work to choose the path of wading into relational chaos where I'm not always sure what's expected of me.

But I hope that what marks my time as a huband and a father is the courage to quit hiding behind the metaphorical camera and join in the fray with my wife and kids. That life, I know, is much more rewarding indeed.