Zoe was a wonderful sleeper. Until two weeks ago. Here was her schedule last night:
11:15 Zoe wakes up, I go in to put her back down
11:45 Zoe wakes up, I go in to put her back down
12:15 Zoe wakes up, Kelly nurses her and puts her back down
2:10 Zoe wakes up, I go in to put her back down
3:00 Zoe wakes up, I go in to put her back down
4:00 Zoe wakes up, I go in to put her back down
5:15 Zoe wakes up, Kelly nurses her and puts her back down
6:30 Davis wakes up, I get up with him for the day
7:00 Zoe wakes up for the day
While there might have been some period of time when it's sort of cute/funny to be the typical parents of a newborn who are exhausted, at this point we're past that. Kelly's been exhausted for much of the past couple weeks. I'm fighting a head cold that won't go away and I've got lots on my plate for today.
I spent much of last night praying for Zoe to sleep and cursing the fact that she would not.
Davis had sleep troubles for almost his entire first year of life. Our many months of unanswered prayers for sleep for him (and us) pressed Kelly and myself to some pretty raw places with God. I've got a friend who fasted for a period of several days as a part of his petition to the Lord to help one of his two kids sleep. Me, I'm much less spiritual. I feel like God should help me without all that trouble. I'm not asking for the global geopolitical landscape to shift, I'm not asking for a bigger house or car. I'm asking for a simple good: for my child to sleep, for sleep for our whole house.
When this prayer goes unanswered, it presses me to one of two unhappy places. Either God cannot help my child to sleep or he has decided not to. The first leaves me with a mushy clock-maker-type Deism which looks nothing like the Christianity that I know and love. The second feels more personal--God could help us but chooses to withhold good. Agnosticism sounds like an appealing option at this point: we just can't know God, so no use in trying. Appealing, but lazy.
In the grand scheme of things, I know that this will pass and that my sleepless night is but a little blip in the cosmic scheme of misery. I also know that I sound a little whiney this morning--I feel whiney. And please, anyone out there who are parents with kids, no well-meaning posts with more books to read or philosophies about how to get your kids to sleep. We've read them all, we know them all, we have tried or are in the process of trying them all.
In the Psalms, David regularly registers complaint with God. Here is mine. Why won't you let us sleep?
3 comments:
I'm a friend of Marshall Benbow's and read your blog through reading his today. I can't agree more. I wrote a post yesterday and I couldn't even bring the Lord in to because I am so irritated with the sleep habits of our 7 month old. I know I should and have in the past but here of late, I am often asking of the Lord, "please just let him sleep! I did get some encouraging insight from Marshall's post.
If I hear of one more book or trick to get your baby to sleep I may have to write my own and say how they don't work! Misery loves company.
http://meredithuber.blogspot.com
I have a baby about the same age and she's just started to teeth... totally messed up her sleeping chi.
Then I started coping with that and she's got a really bad respiratory infection, so she's waking up hacking.
Alex, wow, I had forgotten the many nights of holding and rocking Aidan and literally begging God to help Aidan sleep. AH!!!!!! the frustration, the exhaustion, the helpless and angry feelings.
I am sorry this has been so rough for you guys.
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