Leaf by Niggle

Last weekend we were at my parent's house in Concord, NC. I picked up a book of J.R.R. Tolkien's short stories and read one of my favorites: Leaf by Niggle.

Niggle is a painter, and Tolkien describes him thusly: "He was the sort of painter who can paint leaves better than trees."

Being an over-achiever, I instantly recoiled: I certainly don't want to be that kind of person. I want to be the sort of person who can do it all--the leaves, the trees, whole forests, maybe throw in some mountains and a nice stream--you want some picnic-ers in that scene? I'll see what I can do.

Tolkien got me.

As the story goes on, Niggle the poor (in both senses of the word) painter is shown to need the aid of his slightly obnoxious neighbor...and his obnoxious neighbor needs him. It is a story about gifts and service, complete with a visit to pergatory (Tolkien was Catholic). It is one of the rare times that Tolkien's faith plays out in very direct ways with his writings--he was not a big fan of C.S. Lewis' Narnia series because he felt they lacked the subtlety that all good art has.

The whole point of the story is that all of us need the body. And my reaction against Niggle's weakness reveals the depths of my issues: if I can't embrace the fact that at times I'm the type of "painter" (actually, I can't paint/draw/sketch at all) who can draw leaves better than whole trees, then I will miss out on the joy of sharing life in community. I become isolated in my attempts at self-sufficiency, and I miss out on the fullness of fellowship.

So this Easter week, I'm celebrating the fact that I'm the kind of painter who can sometimes paint leaves better than trees, or trees better than leaves...and that I don't have to try so hard to maintain the pitiful illusion that I'm good at everything. It's the kind of freedom that we should and do have as Christians, but we (or at least I) find it hard to live in it as deeply and recklessly as we are invited to.