Feeling Pretty Piebald Recently

Two words can describe my first two years of ministry: utter failure. The InterVarsity chapter I was sent to serve dwindled from 50 to 15 by the end of my second year. As the chapter went into its' death spiral, I began to ask some big life questions: would I be better suited to work as a Wal-Mart greeter? is this all my fault? does God care about this whole mess? why doesn't he do something?

There was a pretty phenomenal turn-around over the course of the next several years, and the questions abated.

But over these past several weeks, as I've been in the midst of leadership selection and re-thinking campus strategy and making big decisions about our structures, the question has come back again to haunt me: what's my work and what's God's work? The question has application in both personal growth (i.e. personal disciplines like prayer and Bible study) and in ministry.

My Eugene Peterson/monastic/contemplative/spiritual formation side leans heavily into the reality of God's presence, work and activity in all areas of life. Rest. Be. Reflect. Pray. Be with God more. Do less. I can practically feel my anxiety level melt and my soul settle.

My Bill Hybels/missional/strategic/vision side of me points out the fact that when I do stuff better, we get better results. There's a pretty direct correlation in my ministry over the past ten years to my competency level growth and what kind of results we got. So I need to get to work, learn more, get a little more creative, try more stuff. My adrenaline kicks in: let's get to work!

The Scripture that the Lord gave me in the midst of the VCU death-spiral comes back to me during times like these like an old friend to remind me of what's true. In John 2, Jesus turns water into wine but the servants at the wedding get to be a part of it: they fill the jars with water (and John notes that they 'filled them to the brim'--a nod to excellence in our service) and they take it out to the master of the banquet. The servants have a legitimate role, but it's not water-to-wine work and it's not like Jesus couldn't find other people to fill the jars. We are involved in his work by his invitation, but there is only one water-to-wine maker and we are not Him.

So all our work, whether it's leading a campus ministry or pursuing the Lord in our disciplines or just trying to love our families with God's kind of love, is just jar-filling. We have work to do, and there is, indeed skill involved. We need to learn, to read good books or seek out mentors or attend conferences or some combination of these or other things. But in the end, all eternal transformation and change is water-to-wine work. And there's only one Person who can do that.

Thanks goodness.