The thing about working with students for thirteen years is that I've seen a lot of dating relationships. I've seen some tremendously healthy dating relationships and some tremendously un-healthy dating relationships.
In thirteen years one pattern I've noticed is this: no one who's in an unhealthy dating relationship actually thinks that they're in an unhealthy dating relationship.
We have a tremendous capacity to self-deceive. This is why community is so critical to being healthy human beings. Everyone needs at least one person who has the permission to call you out on anything.
In my humble opinion, I'm a pretty good dad. I love my kids fiercely. But I know that my parenting isn't perfect. Ergo, my wife has permission to speak into/call me out in my parenting. If she doesn't, who will?
I want to love and parent my kids as best I can. This means being open to correction. Preservation of my fragile little ego is not what matters. Parenting my kids well is what matters. Them growing up with a father who reflects the perfect love of the true Father as best he can is what matters.
I've got other people, guys, in my life who have the same permission: Daniel, Sam, Marshall, Tripp, Brian. This can't be all on my wife. She's got to put up with me plenty. I need guys who will also love me enough to speak into my life when they see unhealthy patterns.
The truth is that we are great at rationalizing and self-justifying. The truth is that other people often see us and know us better than we see and know ourselves.
The truth is that to live a fully-real life, we need people who have permission to speak into our lives, even at the most intimate and vulnerable levels. If we refuse to have this, we are condemned to living a life that is susceptible to being a lie.
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