Forgiveness Grab-Bag

A few grab-bag thoughts about forgiveness as we wrap up this little series, thanks to many of you who have responded to these posts:

1. Forgiving is not the same thing as excusing. Some of us prefer to excuse ("she's really just having a bad day") rather than forgive ("that hurt like hell. but Jesus in me can absorb and forgive that sin, and I can join him in doing the same") because excusing allows us to take a hurt less personally and doesn't require as much from us.

Again, because all of us have a limited capacity to forgive, we're trying to manage that resource as best we can. But excusing doesn't deal with the heart of the issue. Forgiveness does.

2. Some of us prefer to neither forgive nor excuse. We feel rather empowered and self-righteous in our anger. We have a right to be un-forgiving, no one can tell me that I don't have that right, so take that.

But to covet and nurse our own wounds in such a defensive way only leads to the spoiling of our lives. We become bitter, small, and defined by our hurts rather than defined by life. That's no way to live.

3. Forgiveness does not equal being stupid and enabling someone else's sin patterns. In an abusive relationship? Get out. Have an emotionally manipulative parent or sibling or friend? Draw firm boundaries, which might include severing the relationship all together or at least for a season.

4. For those of us who follow Christ, as my friend Tim pointed out on yesterday's post over on Facebook, forgiveness is not an option. It's a command. Jesus' only commentary on his own model prayer (what we commonly refer to as 'the Lord's prayer') is this from Matthew 6:

For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

5. Finally, forgiveness in many cases is a process.

In my own experiences with some of my hardest hurts, I find that initially I have to forgive about every few minutes. Then every few hours. And all I can do is pray and ask for God's help. Sometimes I just hope that today I only have to forgive 250 times as opposed to yesterday's 300 times.

It's a process. God's at work. Trust that he's for you.