After many years of working with students prior to having kids of my own, I decided something: when we had kids, we'd start the college savings account and the future-counseling fund all at the same time.
It seemed no matter how well-intentioned the parents, students always had plenty of baggage.
The baggage can become particularly onerous and alarming for those students who are thinking about marriage. If you're seeing a whole bunch of mess in your own family's dynamics, one of the biggest fears is that you'll repeat those same messy dynamics in your own marriage.
In working with students, doing some study, and praying alongside folks for many years, I think the hope that we have in this lies in the cross of Christ.
What Jesus does on the cross is absorb all sin. John the Baptist declares: "Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!"
Paul declares on the other side of Jesus' death and resurrection that Christians not only follow Jesus, we are grafted into him, we are united with him, we share in his life, death, resurrection, and inheritance.
As a part of this participation in Christ, I believe that we are invited to join Jesus in absorbing the sins of our families rather than pass them on to our spouses and children. We are invited to share with Christ in taking on rather than passing on broken patterns, some of which have been in place for generations.
Scripts of what it means to be a husband, wife, parent, child, and grandparent all get passed along to us. Left un-examined, we will filter those scripts through the lens of our personality and experience and pass along the same basic scripts to the next generation.
But in Christ, we are invited to bring the scripts handed to us into the light for inspection. In Christ, we are invited to see what is true and what is false.
In Christ, we are given power and authority to cling to what is good. And in Christ, we are given power and authority to absorb what is bad, false, broken.
That's good news for all of us today, no matter how "functional" your family was. We are not bound to pass along broken patterns. We have authority and power in Christ to allow Christ in us to take on the sin and brokenness.
You still might want to keep that counseling fund going, just in case.
2 comments:
good post, Alex. I think it's good for all of us to know that we are not BOUND to pass on our family brokenness. That with the redeeming work of the gospel, we can hope in the possibility of breaking the cycles that, for many of us, have been going on for generations, centuries, millennia, etc.
one thing i did think of while reading this was how even the hope of the gospel in family brokenness can be problematic for some. The Church is not immune to family brokenness, and many destructive family patterns come out of devout followers of Jesus. I have been surprised recently by 3 somewhat similar stories of abusive fathers, all of whom were either on the track towards ministry or already in it. So for some, even being "in Christ" doesn't feel like any guarantee that they won't repeat the same patterns/turn into their parents. I'm not saying that they ( I ) are bound to live in fear. There is certainly a choice to continue to follow Jesus the best way you know how and trust that he won't let you stray too far. But making that choice can be difficult, and there is always incredible risk involved. And I'm sure you know all of this. Just "verbally" processing here a little bit. :)
so i would say DEFINITELY keep that counseling fund going. ;)
good stuff, amanda. i'd definitely agree that even being 'in christ' is no guarantee of breaking free of this stuff. i think that's why paul talks so much about the deliberate activity of 'taking off' certain things and 'putting on' other things. it takes deliberateness and intentionality...perhaps not a bad thought for a follow-up post...
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