What I'm Doing with My Life

This past summer I had an experience with an InterVarsity national think tank where we were talking about how to faithfully and biblically think about and foster growth.

I came away from that experience with a fresh thought: that I could leave InterVarsity staff, go to business school, and make a ton more money doing any number of things related to organizational structure or consulting. I enjoy thinking strategically and (in my estimation) I'm pretty good at it.

The benefits began to flood my imagination. No fundraising. A "normal" job that I didn't have to work so hard to explain. It all seemed stable and safer...and more lucrative.

It doesn't really matter if any of these things are true or not--I might not even be able to get into business school, I might flunk out if I did. What matters is what I thought was true, because it exposes the tendencies of my heart.

I think that often we make the mistake of thinking that the substance of our dreams is what matters. I think that this far from the case. I think rather that the substance of our dreams reveals to us what our heart gets easily fixed upon, what vies for our affections and attention. And that is what truly matters.

In my case, my heart was entranced by the siren call of a life of glittering images. Obviously, this was before the economy fell apart and all of us realized what they teach us day one of InterVarsity fundraising training: all of us are paid by the Lord, those of us who fundraise are just more in tune with it.

While pondering images of an imaginary life in the car in late-July, I had a final moment of clarity. I am not going to business school. I am not chasing after the fortune and glory that I imagine might be mine.

I am not doing any of those things because my life is not my own. I have been bought with a price. I delight in serving the Lord and in the work that he has given me to do. But even if I didn't, I have no rights to go my own way. I gave up those rights many years ago when I decided to lay down my weapons and follow Christ.

I am here, doing what I have been made and called to do, for as long as He delights to have me here. When he calls me somewhere else, I'll go somewhere else. But it's not my decision. It's his. And if all of it came unravelled and I became unglued and he said "stay," I stay. It's as simple as that.

And that's what I'm doing with my life.