Yesterday morning my son was throwing an epic tantrum. Something to do with who got to turn on the Christmas tree and a host of other (real and imagined) wrongs.
As his fit reached a fever pitch he screamed, "I'm going to knock over the tree and ruin everything!"
In a rare moment of clear-headed sanity I felt like I was able to speak something that blessed him: "No, son, you can't. You can't ruin everything. You don't have that much power. That's a good thing."
I think all but the most wounded of us and the most power-grasping of us don't actually want the power to ruin everything. And, even though we don't always feel like it (as Davis didn't that morning), it's a good thing that we don't have that kind of power.
God has come in Jesus to make sure that we don't have the last word on anything any more. We don't have the last word on culture, the economy, government, politics, on our marriages or our kids or even on ourselves...especially on ourselves.
You don't have the last word on you. God does. Congratulations, you can't even finally ruin your own life. God's arm is not too short to redeem anything. This is important for the "knowing God's will" conversation, among other things.
We can't ruin everything. And part of my job as a dad is to free my son from the burden of thinking that he can do so. To parent him in such a way that he feels that he could ruin everything would be to curse him with way too much power.
And it would set him up for a lifetime of too much pressure. If he can ruin everything, then the inverse could also be true: it's up to him to make sure that everything goes well. This lie could crush him--and actually probably crushes many of you.
This is the good news for all of us: you can't ruin everything. You are not as important as you think you are. Instead, you are loved far more than you ever hoped or imagined.
Merry Christmas.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Moving Past Spiritual Plagiarism
My bro and his family are here from San Fransisco for some quality family Christmas time. When we first moved to Durham, they were just twenty minutes away, it's great to have them back for a couple of days.
Daniel teaches New Testament at Fuller Theological Seminary, a great place for any of you aspiring seminarians out there. Yesterday he was telling me yet another story about plagiarism in one of his classes.
"Seems like you've got at least one in every class you teach," I said. He paused. "Yep, it averages out to be just about one a class."
And this is at a seminary. I can only think that the average undergrad class has at least four or five students dabbling in or up-to-their-eyeballs in plagiarism. This is a pretty major epidemic in the academy.
To be fair, he only counts one or two of those as pernicious. The rest, he says, are just clueless about what it means to cite a web site, for example, or what constitutes plagiarism versus a summary of someone's ideas.
The irony, he was telling me, is that the students are required to do a fair amount of research. If they cited these sources rather than plagiarized them, they would actually get credit for their work. Instead, they try to pass someone else's ideas off as their own and they get in trouble for it.
I think all of us are tempted to plagiarize in our lives somewhere--to take credit for something that is not ours to be credited for. This is true in parenting (perhaps our kids good attributes are not as correlated to our great parenting as we would like). It's true in our work, in our relationships with one another, and I think it's true in our spiritual lives.
I think the core obstacle for most of us in our spiritual journey is that we would rather imagine ourselves as basically good and decent people who simply need a little boost occasionally than as desperately needy people who must cling to grace because we have no other lifeline.
There are few things in which most westerners are more self-deceived than in our self-assessment of our own goodness. We over-estimate our own goodness and under-credit God for his work of grace in our lives. This is true for those of us who claim to be Christians as well as it is for those who do not.
And the irony of all of it, like with the students in my brothers' classes, is that to live into reality bears life-giving fruit. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom," says Proverbs. To enter into a rightly-relating place of understanding our need for grace begins to grow us up into wisdom, and "whoever finds wisdom, finds life" (also in Proverbs).
So here's a New Year's resolution suggestion: stop plagiarizing goodness from God. Instead, let's confess and embrace the reality of his goodness and his grace and love and joy poured out into our lives....and receive that with gladness.
Feel free to quote me on that.
Daniel teaches New Testament at Fuller Theological Seminary, a great place for any of you aspiring seminarians out there. Yesterday he was telling me yet another story about plagiarism in one of his classes.
"Seems like you've got at least one in every class you teach," I said. He paused. "Yep, it averages out to be just about one a class."
And this is at a seminary. I can only think that the average undergrad class has at least four or five students dabbling in or up-to-their-eyeballs in plagiarism. This is a pretty major epidemic in the academy.
To be fair, he only counts one or two of those as pernicious. The rest, he says, are just clueless about what it means to cite a web site, for example, or what constitutes plagiarism versus a summary of someone's ideas.
The irony, he was telling me, is that the students are required to do a fair amount of research. If they cited these sources rather than plagiarized them, they would actually get credit for their work. Instead, they try to pass someone else's ideas off as their own and they get in trouble for it.
I think all of us are tempted to plagiarize in our lives somewhere--to take credit for something that is not ours to be credited for. This is true in parenting (perhaps our kids good attributes are not as correlated to our great parenting as we would like). It's true in our work, in our relationships with one another, and I think it's true in our spiritual lives.
I think the core obstacle for most of us in our spiritual journey is that we would rather imagine ourselves as basically good and decent people who simply need a little boost occasionally than as desperately needy people who must cling to grace because we have no other lifeline.
There are few things in which most westerners are more self-deceived than in our self-assessment of our own goodness. We over-estimate our own goodness and under-credit God for his work of grace in our lives. This is true for those of us who claim to be Christians as well as it is for those who do not.
And the irony of all of it, like with the students in my brothers' classes, is that to live into reality bears life-giving fruit. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom," says Proverbs. To enter into a rightly-relating place of understanding our need for grace begins to grow us up into wisdom, and "whoever finds wisdom, finds life" (also in Proverbs).
So here's a New Year's resolution suggestion: stop plagiarizing goodness from God. Instead, let's confess and embrace the reality of his goodness and his grace and love and joy poured out into our lives....and receive that with gladness.
Feel free to quote me on that.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Reflections on Getting De-Friended on Facebook
When I was in college, I loved to d.j. dances and house parties. For a people-pleaser like me, it was like crack: you play a song and instantly you know if people love you. Completely neurotic and unhealthy. Ah, the glory days.
This week I got de-friended by someone on Facebook. Almost definitely not the first time, just the first time I noticed as I've been at the same number of friends for a while.
I have no idea who it was. Maybe it was someone who didn't like my take on Tiger. Or someone who got tired of all my shameless self-promotion. Most likely, it's a student who hung out with IV for a while, friended me after a freshmen retreat, then broke up with us along the way.
For a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser like me (healthier than in college, but still working through it), there's some ways that the ease and anonymity of adding friends on Facebook and being broken up with is nice. There's an understanding (at least in some circles) that Facebook is for a vast array of loose acquaintances.
If you get tired of seeing someone's face pop up in your News Feed, you hide them or de-friend them--and they never know about it.
But in the end I wonder if all this is healthy, at least fora conflict-avoidant, people-pleaser like me. The hardest part and the greatest gift of my four and a half years at Carolina has been dealing with a bunch more conflict and criticism than I would like or prefer. Put simply, I've had to grow up.
An anonymous de-friending on Facebook isn't the end of the world. But when my students ask one another out and break up in a Google-chat (which is how I would have rolled if it had been around during my college days), I can't help but wonder about the loss of inter-personal skills and the maturation that comes with having those necessarily hard interactions.
And then you've got all those annoying, think-they-know-it-all bloggers. Good grief, that's a whole different tirade for another day.
All technology has anticipated blessings and un-anticipated curses. I'm grateful for the ability to keep up with so many people who I would have lost track with throughout the years without social networking.
I just need to not allow it to unhealthily prop me up, as I would be tempted to do. Jesus still calls me to wade into conflict, have hard conversations, be okay with not everyone liking me all the time. He gives me a new name and invites that to be enough for me, no matter what else happens. I don't want to replace that great gift with the flimsy-ness of Facebook friends.
In the mean time, if anyone has a holiday party they need a d.j. for, let me know...as long as you're cool with the circa 1988-2005 musical window!
This week I got de-friended by someone on Facebook. Almost definitely not the first time, just the first time I noticed as I've been at the same number of friends for a while.
I have no idea who it was. Maybe it was someone who didn't like my take on Tiger. Or someone who got tired of all my shameless self-promotion. Most likely, it's a student who hung out with IV for a while, friended me after a freshmen retreat, then broke up with us along the way.
For a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser like me (healthier than in college, but still working through it), there's some ways that the ease and anonymity of adding friends on Facebook and being broken up with is nice. There's an understanding (at least in some circles) that Facebook is for a vast array of loose acquaintances.
If you get tired of seeing someone's face pop up in your News Feed, you hide them or de-friend them--and they never know about it.
But in the end I wonder if all this is healthy, at least fora conflict-avoidant, people-pleaser like me. The hardest part and the greatest gift of my four and a half years at Carolina has been dealing with a bunch more conflict and criticism than I would like or prefer. Put simply, I've had to grow up.
An anonymous de-friending on Facebook isn't the end of the world. But when my students ask one another out and break up in a Google-chat (which is how I would have rolled if it had been around during my college days), I can't help but wonder about the loss of inter-personal skills and the maturation that comes with having those necessarily hard interactions.
And then you've got all those annoying, think-they-know-it-all bloggers. Good grief, that's a whole different tirade for another day.
All technology has anticipated blessings and un-anticipated curses. I'm grateful for the ability to keep up with so many people who I would have lost track with throughout the years without social networking.
I just need to not allow it to unhealthily prop me up, as I would be tempted to do. Jesus still calls me to wade into conflict, have hard conversations, be okay with not everyone liking me all the time. He gives me a new name and invites that to be enough for me, no matter what else happens. I don't want to replace that great gift with the flimsy-ness of Facebook friends.
In the mean time, if anyone has a holiday party they need a d.j. for, let me know...as long as you're cool with the circa 1988-2005 musical window!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Book Review: Cutlure Making by Andy Crouch
Many moons ago now, Andy Crouch's book "Culture Making" was released to much pomp and circumstance in my little corner of the world. I got a copy and put it in my "to read" stack, always vaguely aware that I'd probably really enjoy it but not sure if it would live up to the hype.
Upon completing the book last week, I thoroughly declare the hype realized.
It would be enough that Crouch manages to deftly weave Belinda Carlisle, Malcolm Gladwell, Karl Marx, Jimmy Rollins, Rembrandt, a discussion of the evolution of the omelet and a thorough-going summary of Genesis and Revelation all in the same book. That in and of itself would be worth the read.
But Crouch isn't simply putting on a show. He's inviting us to see how thoroughly culture shapes us...and he invites us to enter into the God-ordained call to be a part of shaping and making it.
Crouch does an exemplary job of laying out the history of different responses to culture (condemning, critiquing, copying, consuming) and offers a thoughtful alternative in "culture making." His deconstruction of the whole "worldview movement" alone is worth the price of admission.
All in all, a fantastic read for the person on your Christmas list who is interested in the intersection of Jesus-followers and the world around us. Two thumbs way up.
Upon completing the book last week, I thoroughly declare the hype realized.
It would be enough that Crouch manages to deftly weave Belinda Carlisle, Malcolm Gladwell, Karl Marx, Jimmy Rollins, Rembrandt, a discussion of the evolution of the omelet and a thorough-going summary of Genesis and Revelation all in the same book. That in and of itself would be worth the read.
But Crouch isn't simply putting on a show. He's inviting us to see how thoroughly culture shapes us...and he invites us to enter into the God-ordained call to be a part of shaping and making it.
Crouch does an exemplary job of laying out the history of different responses to culture (condemning, critiquing, copying, consuming) and offers a thoughtful alternative in "culture making." His deconstruction of the whole "worldview movement" alone is worth the price of admission.
All in all, a fantastic read for the person on your Christmas list who is interested in the intersection of Jesus-followers and the world around us. Two thumbs way up.
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Duplicitous Response to Tiger Woods Duplicity
So I'm a little amused by the media-world's reaction to the Tiger Woods saga.
Here's the deal: if we're going to worship sex as a god, it's going to have consequences. Give most any man the kind of temptations that Tiger Woods would receive on any given weekend and 95.9% of them would do what he did.
The thing that roots my commitment to my wife (perhaps strangely) is theology: what it means to be image-bearers of God, the God-ordained purpose of sexuality, a commitment to following Jesus no matter what the cost, and a growing understanding of what it means that marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's commitment to the church.
Mix in the power of God's Spirit. God's Spirit has worked in me over many years to shape my sexuality, my disciplines, my thoughts, my desires for marriage and to develop in me holy appetites for things more important and more eternal than sexual experiences. I pray that God will continue to develop and keep me. I'm not done battling for myself, my marriage, and my family. That battle will go on for most of my days.
But take all that away, and all you have is meager will-power contra raging hormones. Hormones will win that battle eventually in most cases. See Letterman, David, Clinton, Bill, and on and on and on and on.
I'm not saying that only Christians can be faithful to spouses. Obviously, some who do not hold to the same worldview that I do manage to honor their marriage vows. They would have to speak to their own motives for doing so. For myself, I can only see either the most will-powered, the most conscientious, or the least sought-after surviving apart from a commitment to something greater than themselves. .
Sadly, many who claim to (and some who indeed do) follow Jesus still fall into marital infidelity. For many, that point becomes a significant watershed place of repentance, awakening,and transformation co-mingled with the pain and brokenness.
Such is the power of the gospel, the power of the God who loves us and who offers forgiveness, that he can redeem even the most broken and willfully committed of acts.
I'm just saying that it's duplicitous for us as a culture to condemn a man who simply does what our culture has encouraged him to do for his entire life. It does not excuse what he's done. I believe what he's done is destructive and awful.
But I believe that because of a ton of other things that I believe that our culture en mass does not. On what grounds is the media throwing stones? And what's with all these glass houses everywhere?
Perhaps here, too, I am conflicted. Which symptom of cultural dis-ease would be worse: for the condemnation to rain down (in spite of the fact that there is no actual reason why most do so) or for no one to note or even care? Perhaps the latter would be far worse.
But both options would be indicative of cultural sickness. And perhaps that, in the end, is the point. Let's call it what it is: sickness. And let us, along with Tiger, repent and turn back to the God who made us (sexuality and all) that we might live the life we were made for.
Here's the deal: if we're going to worship sex as a god, it's going to have consequences. Give most any man the kind of temptations that Tiger Woods would receive on any given weekend and 95.9% of them would do what he did.
The thing that roots my commitment to my wife (perhaps strangely) is theology: what it means to be image-bearers of God, the God-ordained purpose of sexuality, a commitment to following Jesus no matter what the cost, and a growing understanding of what it means that marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's commitment to the church.
Mix in the power of God's Spirit. God's Spirit has worked in me over many years to shape my sexuality, my disciplines, my thoughts, my desires for marriage and to develop in me holy appetites for things more important and more eternal than sexual experiences. I pray that God will continue to develop and keep me. I'm not done battling for myself, my marriage, and my family. That battle will go on for most of my days.
But take all that away, and all you have is meager will-power contra raging hormones. Hormones will win that battle eventually in most cases. See Letterman, David, Clinton, Bill, and on and on and on and on.
I'm not saying that only Christians can be faithful to spouses. Obviously, some who do not hold to the same worldview that I do manage to honor their marriage vows. They would have to speak to their own motives for doing so. For myself, I can only see either the most will-powered, the most conscientious, or the least sought-after surviving apart from a commitment to something greater than themselves. .
Sadly, many who claim to (and some who indeed do) follow Jesus still fall into marital infidelity. For many, that point becomes a significant watershed place of repentance, awakening,and transformation co-mingled with the pain and brokenness.
Such is the power of the gospel, the power of the God who loves us and who offers forgiveness, that he can redeem even the most broken and willfully committed of acts.
I'm just saying that it's duplicitous for us as a culture to condemn a man who simply does what our culture has encouraged him to do for his entire life. It does not excuse what he's done. I believe what he's done is destructive and awful.
But I believe that because of a ton of other things that I believe that our culture en mass does not. On what grounds is the media throwing stones? And what's with all these glass houses everywhere?
Perhaps here, too, I am conflicted. Which symptom of cultural dis-ease would be worse: for the condemnation to rain down (in spite of the fact that there is no actual reason why most do so) or for no one to note or even care? Perhaps the latter would be far worse.
But both options would be indicative of cultural sickness. And perhaps that, in the end, is the point. Let's call it what it is: sickness. And let us, along with Tiger, repent and turn back to the God who made us (sexuality and all) that we might live the life we were made for.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Prostitutes, Dr. Phil, Loafs of Bread and Proverbs' Points
I love the book of Proverbs. It kicks me in the butt, reminds me of what matters, and teaches me more about leadership and daily living than anything Oprah or Dr. Phil might try to offer.
Plus, there's some of the best verses in the Bible. Consider: "the prostitute reduces a man to a loaf of bread." Does it get any better than that?
I last read through Proverbs two years ago, after a really hard year on campus. I blogged on it mid-summer, 2007, and what was good for me then is still good for me now:
*My life is about who I am becoming, not what I am doing. This is huge in Proverbs--the issues of character, of becoming a certain type of person, are dogmatically and adamantly asserted as first and foremost throughout the book.
This is radically counter-cultural in a world where the first question upon meeting just about anyone is, "and what is it that you do?" In America, doing is what sets your place in the cultural strata. But Proverbs commends a different way of thinking about life--a life of being a person of depth, integrity, understanding and discernment and of course wisdom. Wisdom is the centerpiece of this, which leads me to the next Proverbial lesson...
*Wisdom is worth whatever it may cost. "Though it cost you everything, get wisdom...she is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her." The wise person is the goal of this life of becoming. To be wise in how I relate to God, to the people and situations around me, towards money and other objects that I'm tempted to worship. This is what the goal of my life is. So I welcome whatever it takes to get me there.
*Discipline is good. Character that lasts can only come about by discipline and trial. Not all of the challenges that I faced this past year were disciplinary from the Lord, but all of them can serve the same purpose as discipline: to refine my soul.
*Delayed gratification. "An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning will not be blessed at the end." The work of becoming a wise person is a slow process. So we must have a long-view of life's purposes. We must persevere through difficulties and trust in the long-term processes of redemption and transformation that are all serving to change and bless us.
*Character infuses our work with power. While "being" takes precedence over "doing" in the Proverbs, the doing part of our lives is not neglected. "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life" is a verse that I meditated on in the weeks leading up to my class last week. I want to become a certain type of person (wise) in part to infuse my work (teaching) with a power that cannot be acquired any other way.
*God knows my heart and holds my days in his hands. This is comforting and refining at the same time. Am I motivated to minister on campus simply out of fear--of failure, of what others might think? I'm supposed to be serving the Lord and serving students, but am I simply using these people and this ministry to prop myself up and to meet my own needs? Do I trust that God put me here both to bless me and to bless the campus? Do I trust his work in my life and in our fellowship to lead us to places of grace and power and peace or do I feel like it's up to me to make those things happen?
All of this has re-oriented me around the thing that Proverbs is most clear about: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Refreshingly clear, simple, true.
Watch out for that bread.
Plus, there's some of the best verses in the Bible. Consider: "the prostitute reduces a man to a loaf of bread." Does it get any better than that?
I last read through Proverbs two years ago, after a really hard year on campus. I blogged on it mid-summer, 2007, and what was good for me then is still good for me now:
*My life is about who I am becoming, not what I am doing. This is huge in Proverbs--the issues of character, of becoming a certain type of person, are dogmatically and adamantly asserted as first and foremost throughout the book.
This is radically counter-cultural in a world where the first question upon meeting just about anyone is, "and what is it that you do?" In America, doing is what sets your place in the cultural strata. But Proverbs commends a different way of thinking about life--a life of being a person of depth, integrity, understanding and discernment and of course wisdom. Wisdom is the centerpiece of this, which leads me to the next Proverbial lesson...
*Wisdom is worth whatever it may cost. "Though it cost you everything, get wisdom...she is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her." The wise person is the goal of this life of becoming. To be wise in how I relate to God, to the people and situations around me, towards money and other objects that I'm tempted to worship. This is what the goal of my life is. So I welcome whatever it takes to get me there.
*Discipline is good. Character that lasts can only come about by discipline and trial. Not all of the challenges that I faced this past year were disciplinary from the Lord, but all of them can serve the same purpose as discipline: to refine my soul.
*Delayed gratification. "An inheritance quickly gained at the beginning will not be blessed at the end." The work of becoming a wise person is a slow process. So we must have a long-view of life's purposes. We must persevere through difficulties and trust in the long-term processes of redemption and transformation that are all serving to change and bless us.
*Character infuses our work with power. While "being" takes precedence over "doing" in the Proverbs, the doing part of our lives is not neglected. "The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life" is a verse that I meditated on in the weeks leading up to my class last week. I want to become a certain type of person (wise) in part to infuse my work (teaching) with a power that cannot be acquired any other way.
*God knows my heart and holds my days in his hands. This is comforting and refining at the same time. Am I motivated to minister on campus simply out of fear--of failure, of what others might think? I'm supposed to be serving the Lord and serving students, but am I simply using these people and this ministry to prop myself up and to meet my own needs? Do I trust that God put me here both to bless me and to bless the campus? Do I trust his work in my life and in our fellowship to lead us to places of grace and power and peace or do I feel like it's up to me to make those things happen?
All of this has re-oriented me around the thing that Proverbs is most clear about: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Refreshingly clear, simple, true.
Watch out for that bread.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Time for More Shameless Self-Promotion
It's been at least five days since my last shameless self-promoting buy-the-book-that-I-helped-write plug (someone's already selling The Small Group Leader's Handbook used? How is this possible?).
So I figured it was time for a fresh one.
A couple of weeks ago I spoke for the second time at a local church...and afterwards I found out that they record and upload sermons as podcasts.
So if you're sick at home one Sunday and need a sermon fix, check it out: Raleigh Chinese Christian Church. If you click on my name, it links you to both sermons that I've given there (I promise they're both in English).
Or perhaps you're one of those "I don't do church people" but for whatever reason you occasionally check in on these posts...I'd encourage you to check take a listen and let me know what you think. I'm always interested in presenting what I believe to be true in a way that is engaging for people who are at all kinds of different places spiritually.
And for all the already-weary UNC students out there, best of luck as you head into exams!
So I figured it was time for a fresh one.
A couple of weeks ago I spoke for the second time at a local church...and afterwards I found out that they record and upload sermons as podcasts.
So if you're sick at home one Sunday and need a sermon fix, check it out: Raleigh Chinese Christian Church. If you click on my name, it links you to both sermons that I've given there (I promise they're both in English).
Or perhaps you're one of those "I don't do church people" but for whatever reason you occasionally check in on these posts...I'd encourage you to check take a listen and let me know what you think. I'm always interested in presenting what I believe to be true in a way that is engaging for people who are at all kinds of different places spiritually.
And for all the already-weary UNC students out there, best of luck as you head into exams!
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Cheap Christmas Rings and Living a Life on Loan
I remember one year when I was in elementary school, my mom took us to a craft/trinkets fair at school where kids could buy Christmas presents for family and friends. My mom gave my brother and I some cash and we went and bought her Christmas present.
In the same way, God has given us this thing called a "self" that we might have something to offer back up to him. It is nothing that we earned or created. It is pure gift. And it originates from him and was made to be given back to him.
This is not only true on the macro, hypothetical level of the "self." It's true about everything that we call our lives. Friends, family, money, resources, work, spouses, children, churches--these things have all been loaned to us that we might have something to give back to our good Father, who loves us very, very much.
"Lean not on your own understanding," so says Proverbs, "in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Acknowledging him simply means living in the reality that this whole thing that we take so very seriously as "ourselves" and "our lives" and this drive that many of us feel to make a difference of make an impact or be important or whatever...it's all built on so much pomp and fluff and emptiness.
This whole life, every aspect, is on loan for just a short time. It's his, given to us briefly that we might have something to offer him.
I think I bought my mom a cheap, tacky, awful ring with her five dollars that she gave me. She lit up brighter than the Christmas tree--I remember it vividly.
That's how God is, even with our smallest and slightest attempts at living in the reality of his boundless provision and grace as we acknowledge him.
In the same way, God has given us this thing called a "self" that we might have something to offer back up to him. It is nothing that we earned or created. It is pure gift. And it originates from him and was made to be given back to him.
This is not only true on the macro, hypothetical level of the "self." It's true about everything that we call our lives. Friends, family, money, resources, work, spouses, children, churches--these things have all been loaned to us that we might have something to give back to our good Father, who loves us very, very much.
"Lean not on your own understanding," so says Proverbs, "in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Acknowledging him simply means living in the reality that this whole thing that we take so very seriously as "ourselves" and "our lives" and this drive that many of us feel to make a difference of make an impact or be important or whatever...it's all built on so much pomp and fluff and emptiness.
This whole life, every aspect, is on loan for just a short time. It's his, given to us briefly that we might have something to offer him.
I think I bought my mom a cheap, tacky, awful ring with her five dollars that she gave me. She lit up brighter than the Christmas tree--I remember it vividly.
That's how God is, even with our smallest and slightest attempts at living in the reality of his boundless provision and grace as we acknowledge him.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Growing Kids Satan's Way and Perpetual Self-Righteousness Tendencies
Yesterday's post drew quite a number of responses. One comment celebrated being out of college--to her there were a greater number of opportunities for self-righteousness while in school surrounded by Christians.
I've been thinking on this today and on the one hand, I agree. When you get a community full of eighteen to twenty-two-year-olds together, passion is high. That can often get mis-directed into self-righteousness. And Craig Fowler proposes in his 'stages of faith' that we all have to go through a black-and-white stage as a part of our development spiritually, and that's typically where college students are.
But I would argue that self-righteousness is one-hundred-percent a part of the human condition. No matter how old we are or what life stage we are in, we are always looking for something to be our righteousness apart from Christ.
We're incomplete creatures. In our clearest moments we know this. God offers to complete us in Christ. But we reject that (some of us aggressively and obviously, others of us in more subtle ways) and try to find other things to prop us up, to validate us or to give us a sense of worth.
When that gets externalized in clear and proud ways we call it being 'self-righteous' about something. That takes all sorts of forms, and it's particularly ugly when religion gets involved with it, as Jesus' interactions with the religious leaders shows.
When we had our first child six years ago, one question swirling around us was were we going to "grow our kids God's way" (also a title of a book for those of you who aren't a part of my little slice of the Christian world)?
We looked at it and decided no, we weren't--at least, not all the way. Did that mean we were growing kids Satan's way? To some people, it did. That was the way, the only way, to do it correctly.
But then we started looking into the complete polar-opposite approach to parenting: attachment parenting. It has a more hippie, less religious feel to it...but the people on that end of the spectrum were just as rabid, just as "self-righteous" about it as anyone on the more religious end who were growing kids God's way.
The point is that self-righteousness is always our temptation, at every age and every stage of our lives. In this parenting world, both attachment parenting and 'growing kids God's way' advocates were expressing the exact same distorted self-righteousness, just using different outlets or forms.
All of us are tempted to be 'justified,' propped up, validated by someone or something apart from what God has done for us in Jesus: our money, our friendships, our kids behavior, what we think we know about theology or cars or music or the economy or home repair.
For those of us who claim to follow Jesus, self-righteous arrogance should be the last thing that we express. This whole project is built on the fundamental presupposition that we have no such thing as righteousness that comes from ourselves. This whole thing starts with admitting that we're broken, sinful, needy people. That's where we meet grace. That's what this whole thing is about, start to finish.
And all of our self-righteousness must go if we are ever to become fully human. Not that we don't grow in knowledge or experience or have things to offer one another in terms of correction or information or helps. But we offer that humbly, acknowledging that none of it is the "righteousness" that we were actually made to inhabit. None of it actually ever heals our hearts.
Not even if you're growing kids God's way.
I've been thinking on this today and on the one hand, I agree. When you get a community full of eighteen to twenty-two-year-olds together, passion is high. That can often get mis-directed into self-righteousness. And Craig Fowler proposes in his 'stages of faith' that we all have to go through a black-and-white stage as a part of our development spiritually, and that's typically where college students are.
But I would argue that self-righteousness is one-hundred-percent a part of the human condition. No matter how old we are or what life stage we are in, we are always looking for something to be our righteousness apart from Christ.
We're incomplete creatures. In our clearest moments we know this. God offers to complete us in Christ. But we reject that (some of us aggressively and obviously, others of us in more subtle ways) and try to find other things to prop us up, to validate us or to give us a sense of worth.
When that gets externalized in clear and proud ways we call it being 'self-righteous' about something. That takes all sorts of forms, and it's particularly ugly when religion gets involved with it, as Jesus' interactions with the religious leaders shows.
When we had our first child six years ago, one question swirling around us was were we going to "grow our kids God's way" (also a title of a book for those of you who aren't a part of my little slice of the Christian world)?
We looked at it and decided no, we weren't--at least, not all the way. Did that mean we were growing kids Satan's way? To some people, it did. That was the way, the only way, to do it correctly.
But then we started looking into the complete polar-opposite approach to parenting: attachment parenting. It has a more hippie, less religious feel to it...but the people on that end of the spectrum were just as rabid, just as "self-righteous" about it as anyone on the more religious end who were growing kids God's way.
The point is that self-righteousness is always our temptation, at every age and every stage of our lives. In this parenting world, both attachment parenting and 'growing kids God's way' advocates were expressing the exact same distorted self-righteousness, just using different outlets or forms.
All of us are tempted to be 'justified,' propped up, validated by someone or something apart from what God has done for us in Jesus: our money, our friendships, our kids behavior, what we think we know about theology or cars or music or the economy or home repair.
For those of us who claim to follow Jesus, self-righteous arrogance should be the last thing that we express. This whole project is built on the fundamental presupposition that we have no such thing as righteousness that comes from ourselves. This whole thing starts with admitting that we're broken, sinful, needy people. That's where we meet grace. That's what this whole thing is about, start to finish.
And all of our self-righteousness must go if we are ever to become fully human. Not that we don't grow in knowledge or experience or have things to offer one another in terms of correction or information or helps. But we offer that humbly, acknowledging that none of it is the "righteousness" that we were actually made to inhabit. None of it actually ever heals our hearts.
Not even if you're growing kids God's way.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Why I Kissed Uhealthily Guarding my Proverbial Heart Good-Bye
Among the many "glad-that's-over" Christian-youth-sub-culture trends that I've had to endure during my time working with college students was the "I kissed dating good-bye" fad.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with my quirky part of Americana, 'I kissed dating good-bye' was a book that had several basic tenants that I became very familiar with while boycotting the book itself: dating is not in the Bible (true). It is a product of our culture (also true) and it's loaded up with all kinds of questionable cultural baggage (also true).
Therefore, a more biblical way to approach relationships is through "courting"--here's where I start to question the veracity of the whole deal.
What exactly "courting" was always was a bit fuzzy for me (probably should have sucked it up and bought the book). When students described it to me, it mostly sounded like some healthy principles of dating with some extra stuff thrown in that made it sound like the only thing serious Christians should do.
The concepts themselves certainly weren't all bad. It was just the opportunity for more self-righteousness that concerned me.
Real Christian students didn't date--they courted. Which meant that the guys especially had more excuses to run from relationships rather than engage them. If people were "dating" rather than "courting" there were questions about their commitment to God. Silly, I know, but that's our hearts, isn't it? Always looking for some new way to be better than someone else around us?
The other day I came across an oft-quoted piece of Scripture used to prop up the whole courting idea when I was reading Proverbs (one of my favorite books of the Bible, so glad to be soaking in Proverbs for the next month or more).
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23.
This, of course is true. Jesus leans into this throughout his ministry as he calls people to move past superficial obedience to heart-level repentance.
But there's better and worse ways to guard our hearts.
If we're "guarding our hearts" out of fear, that's not the Holy Spirit. That's not faith, hope, and love. That's fear. Fear is not of God. Fear is our flesh, fear is our own anxiety, fear is a hijacking of our faculties rather than the freeing, glad obedience that we're invited to live into that then causes our hearts and indeed our whole lives to flower rather than be choked out and whither.
If we "court" because we're "guarding our hearts" and that's really just a smokescreen for "I'm scared of getting hurt" that's not holy. Or even worse, if we're courting because "I'm just trying real hard to be more spiritual and really intense all the time" then that's just spiritual arrogance and stupidity. Arrogance and stupidity aren't from the Spirit, either. Proverbs has plenty to say about that as well.
We must guard our hearts. But we must do so not out of fear or self-righteousness, but in a faithful certainty. Some of us are prone to giving our hearts away too easily, foolishly, recklessly. We must learn the discipline of not giving our hearts away in ways that are self-destructive.
But we must not fall prey in this to either fear or pride that would rob us of the real point: trusting God to be both our protector and our righteousness. That's the whole point of all our disciplines.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with my quirky part of Americana, 'I kissed dating good-bye' was a book that had several basic tenants that I became very familiar with while boycotting the book itself: dating is not in the Bible (true). It is a product of our culture (also true) and it's loaded up with all kinds of questionable cultural baggage (also true).
Therefore, a more biblical way to approach relationships is through "courting"--here's where I start to question the veracity of the whole deal.
What exactly "courting" was always was a bit fuzzy for me (probably should have sucked it up and bought the book). When students described it to me, it mostly sounded like some healthy principles of dating with some extra stuff thrown in that made it sound like the only thing serious Christians should do.
The concepts themselves certainly weren't all bad. It was just the opportunity for more self-righteousness that concerned me.
Real Christian students didn't date--they courted. Which meant that the guys especially had more excuses to run from relationships rather than engage them. If people were "dating" rather than "courting" there were questions about their commitment to God. Silly, I know, but that's our hearts, isn't it? Always looking for some new way to be better than someone else around us?
The other day I came across an oft-quoted piece of Scripture used to prop up the whole courting idea when I was reading Proverbs (one of my favorite books of the Bible, so glad to be soaking in Proverbs for the next month or more).
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23.
This, of course is true. Jesus leans into this throughout his ministry as he calls people to move past superficial obedience to heart-level repentance.
But there's better and worse ways to guard our hearts.
If we're "guarding our hearts" out of fear, that's not the Holy Spirit. That's not faith, hope, and love. That's fear. Fear is not of God. Fear is our flesh, fear is our own anxiety, fear is a hijacking of our faculties rather than the freeing, glad obedience that we're invited to live into that then causes our hearts and indeed our whole lives to flower rather than be choked out and whither.
If we "court" because we're "guarding our hearts" and that's really just a smokescreen for "I'm scared of getting hurt" that's not holy. Or even worse, if we're courting because "I'm just trying real hard to be more spiritual and really intense all the time" then that's just spiritual arrogance and stupidity. Arrogance and stupidity aren't from the Spirit, either. Proverbs has plenty to say about that as well.
We must guard our hearts. But we must do so not out of fear or self-righteousness, but in a faithful certainty. Some of us are prone to giving our hearts away too easily, foolishly, recklessly. We must learn the discipline of not giving our hearts away in ways that are self-destructive.
But we must not fall prey in this to either fear or pride that would rob us of the real point: trusting God to be both our protector and our righteousness. That's the whole point of all our disciplines.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Putting Christ Back into My Christian Campus Ministry
So you'd think that as a Christian religious professional it'd be easy to keep Jesus in my work.
But it's actually much easier as I meet with students on a daily basis to slouch into giving good advice. After almost fourteen years in this business, I've got some good stuff to say about just about any college student problem.
Boyfriend giving you troubles? No problem! Roommate issues? Go it covered. Family woes? I'm ready to listen. Not sure what to do with your life? Let's talk. The cafeteria giving you some digestive tract issues? Here are some healthy alternatives!
But, as Tim Keller argues, the gospel is not good advice. It's good news. And if it's true that God has come in the form of a person to die for our sins and be raised back to life in order to offer us life, then this news changes everything.
The gospel changes everything. That's a core principle of my ministry and life that I've articulated throughout the years. But I forget it sometimes. And I can get away with it for a short period of time but after a while I find myself tired of the lack of genuine transformational power of good advice.
So I've been turning over a new leaf on campus as I'm meeting with students. I'm either thinking or asking the question: How does the gospel change or apply to this situation right now in real time? How does Jesus speak into this persons life? Or even better--Jesus is already here and at work in this persons life, how do I get on board with what he's already up to?
And of course it's also good medicine--physician, heal thyself. I need the gospel to be changing everything from how I change diapers to how I drive on my commute to how I relate to family, friends, co-workers and students.
The gospel is powerful. If I'm spouting off good advice but not good news, I'm offering people appetizers instead of the seven-course meal that has been prepared for them at great cost to the Lord of Hosts.
So while some Christians lobby to keep Christ in Christmas, for me this year I'm feeling like it's time to put the Christ back into Christian campus ministry....even how I think about digestive tract issues.
But it's actually much easier as I meet with students on a daily basis to slouch into giving good advice. After almost fourteen years in this business, I've got some good stuff to say about just about any college student problem.
Boyfriend giving you troubles? No problem! Roommate issues? Go it covered. Family woes? I'm ready to listen. Not sure what to do with your life? Let's talk. The cafeteria giving you some digestive tract issues? Here are some healthy alternatives!
But, as Tim Keller argues, the gospel is not good advice. It's good news. And if it's true that God has come in the form of a person to die for our sins and be raised back to life in order to offer us life, then this news changes everything.
The gospel changes everything. That's a core principle of my ministry and life that I've articulated throughout the years. But I forget it sometimes. And I can get away with it for a short period of time but after a while I find myself tired of the lack of genuine transformational power of good advice.
So I've been turning over a new leaf on campus as I'm meeting with students. I'm either thinking or asking the question: How does the gospel change or apply to this situation right now in real time? How does Jesus speak into this persons life? Or even better--Jesus is already here and at work in this persons life, how do I get on board with what he's already up to?
And of course it's also good medicine--physician, heal thyself. I need the gospel to be changing everything from how I change diapers to how I drive on my commute to how I relate to family, friends, co-workers and students.
The gospel is powerful. If I'm spouting off good advice but not good news, I'm offering people appetizers instead of the seven-course meal that has been prepared for them at great cost to the Lord of Hosts.
So while some Christians lobby to keep Christ in Christmas, for me this year I'm feeling like it's time to put the Christ back into Christian campus ministry....even how I think about digestive tract issues.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
An Open Letter to Baby Boomers
Dear Baby Boomers,
As I traverse the greater Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill area, I cannot help but notice the rabid construction of retirement homes and communities in anticipation of your arrival.
Forgive me, but I cannot help but think that in thirty-five years when I'm ready for such a facility that the supply-demand curve will have fallen for me in a very pleasant place.
Thank you for yet another opportunity to thrive off of your largess.
XOXO,
Generation X
As I traverse the greater Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill area, I cannot help but notice the rabid construction of retirement homes and communities in anticipation of your arrival.
Forgive me, but I cannot help but think that in thirty-five years when I'm ready for such a facility that the supply-demand curve will have fallen for me in a very pleasant place.
Thank you for yet another opportunity to thrive off of your largess.
XOXO,
Generation X
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
What Stephen King is Teaching me About Hope
A number of years ago I read Stephen King's book on writing appropriately entitled "On Writing" (speaking of writing, Amazon just got the Small Group Leaders' Handbook in stock and ready to ship...just thought you should know).
In one part of King's book he talks about the dangers of falling in love with your own work--with each successive page you become more and more enamored with what's developing and your own brilliance at communicating.
Until finally the story comes to it's conclusion and you're intoxicated with this thing you have created. You read it over in a rush of self congratulatory emotion: "Bravo!" King writes in his typically genteel way, "You're f------ Shakespeare!"
King's advice to authors: write it. Then sit on it. In his typewriter days, he would plunk out a manuscript and put it in a drawer for six months. Six months! Then he'd look it over and see if it was any good.
Over the past couple of days I've recycled two talks/sermons that I've given in the past--one of them on hope, one of them on freedom from shame and guilt.
In the past, re-gifting talks was not my forte. I always gave it better the first time because it was fresher for me, I had more energy and more invested in it.
Now, however, I think I'm learning Stephen King's lesson. I'm giving them better as I work with them again. Content-wise, my presentations Sunday morning and Monday night were both more clear and more to the point than they were before.
Blogging does not encourage me to be a more thoughtful communicator--I plunk these posts out in about fifteen minutes usually. But working with a talk, coming back to it several months later, and then re-crafting it has begun to teach me something new about the art of communication.
Bravo, indeed.
In one part of King's book he talks about the dangers of falling in love with your own work--with each successive page you become more and more enamored with what's developing and your own brilliance at communicating.
Until finally the story comes to it's conclusion and you're intoxicated with this thing you have created. You read it over in a rush of self congratulatory emotion: "Bravo!" King writes in his typically genteel way, "You're f------ Shakespeare!"
King's advice to authors: write it. Then sit on it. In his typewriter days, he would plunk out a manuscript and put it in a drawer for six months. Six months! Then he'd look it over and see if it was any good.
Over the past couple of days I've recycled two talks/sermons that I've given in the past--one of them on hope, one of them on freedom from shame and guilt.
In the past, re-gifting talks was not my forte. I always gave it better the first time because it was fresher for me, I had more energy and more invested in it.
Now, however, I think I'm learning Stephen King's lesson. I'm giving them better as I work with them again. Content-wise, my presentations Sunday morning and Monday night were both more clear and more to the point than they were before.
Blogging does not encourage me to be a more thoughtful communicator--I plunk these posts out in about fifteen minutes usually. But working with a talk, coming back to it several months later, and then re-crafting it has begun to teach me something new about the art of communication.
Bravo, indeed.
Monday, November 30, 2009
What if Cynics and Idealists are the Same Person?
What if the most naive idealist and the most jaded cynic are both operating under the same wrong assumption?
What if the cynic and the idealist both wrongly think that our internal hope mechanism is meant to be directed towards a somewhat arbitrary lining up of circumstances?
What if both are working under the same operating assumption that says that hope is all about events lining up in such a way that suits our preferences at any given moment but that might change in the next based on the weather, our mood, what was served in the cafeteria that day, or who happens to be around at the time?
What if the idealist and the cynic both wrongly think that hope is about circumstances turning up roses? What if it's just that the idealist thinks those events will happen and the cynic has given up on those things ever happening? But what if it's all based on the same faulty assumption?
What if our hope mechanism is too wonderful, powerful, and valuable a thing to be used for such a flimsy purpose? What if the One who implanted the hope mechanism inside of us wants our hopes to be built around a Who rather than a fragile alignment of a series of What's?
What if the disappointments that pock-mark so many of our lives are a gift? What if disappointment is a tutor, designed to wean us off putting the weight of our hopes in a "what?"
What if disappointment is meant to coax us, lead us, bless us into putting the weight of our hopes into the Who that we were made to put them in?
What if cynics and idealists are both wrong for the exact same reason? What if hope wins, but it's not a hope that looks according to our scripts, in our timing, in our ways?
What if it really is all about a "who" not a "what?"
What if the cynic and the idealist both wrongly think that our internal hope mechanism is meant to be directed towards a somewhat arbitrary lining up of circumstances?
What if both are working under the same operating assumption that says that hope is all about events lining up in such a way that suits our preferences at any given moment but that might change in the next based on the weather, our mood, what was served in the cafeteria that day, or who happens to be around at the time?
What if the idealist and the cynic both wrongly think that hope is about circumstances turning up roses? What if it's just that the idealist thinks those events will happen and the cynic has given up on those things ever happening? But what if it's all based on the same faulty assumption?
What if our hope mechanism is too wonderful, powerful, and valuable a thing to be used for such a flimsy purpose? What if the One who implanted the hope mechanism inside of us wants our hopes to be built around a Who rather than a fragile alignment of a series of What's?
What if the disappointments that pock-mark so many of our lives are a gift? What if disappointment is a tutor, designed to wean us off putting the weight of our hopes in a "what?"
What if disappointment is meant to coax us, lead us, bless us into putting the weight of our hopes into the Who that we were made to put them in?
What if cynics and idealists are both wrong for the exact same reason? What if hope wins, but it's not a hope that looks according to our scripts, in our timing, in our ways?
What if it really is all about a "who" not a "what?"
Sunday, November 29, 2009
It's Here! It's Here! Just in Time for Christmas!
Ladies and Gentlemen, the wait is over!
Almost two years in the making, the newly revised, re-written, new edition Small Group Leaders Handbook is out! I was privileged to help put the team together and lead the project...and write the lead-off chapter!
What is a small group leader's handbook you might ask? I'm glad you did!
Small groups are transformational communities that gather together regularly for spiritual encouragement, time in scripture, prayer and worship in order to be a transforming agent of blessing and mission in the world.
They are an integral part of a healthy spiritual-community experience because they allow us to be in one another's lives in ways that actually matter..in ways that Jesus calls us to be.
"But Alex," you might say, "there are lots of small group books out there, what makes this one any different?"
So glad you asked!
As I was getting this team together, I ordered a bunch of books about small groups to see what was already out there...and what (if any) holes there were in the world of books about small groups.
One thing that I noticed was that nearly every book that I ordered dealt exclusively with the relational aspect of small group life. Now I'm all about some serious relationships, don't get me wrong. But a small group should be much more than us hanging out and talking about our feelings all the time.
In this book we not only spend a couple chapters drilling into the relational aspect of small group life. We also spend a couple chapters talking about mission. What does it mean that a small group is not just to exist for itself but to be a blessing to others?
And secondly, we not only talk about the importance of Scripture, we also help you, the small group leader, with not just one, not just two, but three different, simple, clearly articulated ways that you (yes, even you!) can lead people in your small group into Scripture.
One the Bible study methods is something that I developed as a variation on some really creative re-thinking of Bible study methods that some friends in InterVarsity were doing in other parts of the country.
To my old VCU students, I tell the 1106 story and the amazing things God did through Joel, Steve, Emmanuel and Chris as the lead-off story. And UNC students, I tell the story of Will Kranz going down to Jamaica with Adam Salloum on a spring break trip during Adam's freshmen year/Kranz's sophomore year.
So "huzzah!" for the new edition of the Small Group Leader's Handbook available here for purchase at InterVarsity Press's web site--and you can read the entirety of chapter 1 (my chapter!) for free on the site!
And all this just in time for Christmas! It makes a great stocking stuffer for that hard-to-buy for person on your list...heck, for everyone on your list!
Almost two years in the making, the newly revised, re-written, new edition Small Group Leaders Handbook is out! I was privileged to help put the team together and lead the project...and write the lead-off chapter!
What is a small group leader's handbook you might ask? I'm glad you did!
Small groups are transformational communities that gather together regularly for spiritual encouragement, time in scripture, prayer and worship in order to be a transforming agent of blessing and mission in the world.
They are an integral part of a healthy spiritual-community experience because they allow us to be in one another's lives in ways that actually matter..in ways that Jesus calls us to be.
"But Alex," you might say, "there are lots of small group books out there, what makes this one any different?"
So glad you asked!
As I was getting this team together, I ordered a bunch of books about small groups to see what was already out there...and what (if any) holes there were in the world of books about small groups.
One thing that I noticed was that nearly every book that I ordered dealt exclusively with the relational aspect of small group life. Now I'm all about some serious relationships, don't get me wrong. But a small group should be much more than us hanging out and talking about our feelings all the time.
In this book we not only spend a couple chapters drilling into the relational aspect of small group life. We also spend a couple chapters talking about mission. What does it mean that a small group is not just to exist for itself but to be a blessing to others?
And secondly, we not only talk about the importance of Scripture, we also help you, the small group leader, with not just one, not just two, but three different, simple, clearly articulated ways that you (yes, even you!) can lead people in your small group into Scripture.
One the Bible study methods is something that I developed as a variation on some really creative re-thinking of Bible study methods that some friends in InterVarsity were doing in other parts of the country.
To my old VCU students, I tell the 1106 story and the amazing things God did through Joel, Steve, Emmanuel and Chris as the lead-off story. And UNC students, I tell the story of Will Kranz going down to Jamaica with Adam Salloum on a spring break trip during Adam's freshmen year/Kranz's sophomore year.
So "huzzah!" for the new edition of the Small Group Leader's Handbook available here for purchase at InterVarsity Press's web site--and you can read the entirety of chapter 1 (my chapter!) for free on the site!
And all this just in time for Christmas! It makes a great stocking stuffer for that hard-to-buy for person on your list...heck, for everyone on your list!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Kelly on Emma Kate Meets Grandfather
Last weekend my wife Kelly went with our kids and my mother to visit my dad's dad, who is living in the alzheimer's unit of an assisted living facility. Our youngest, Emma Kate, was particularly engaged that day, and Kelly wrote up some sweet reflections:
I know that for many people, the onset of dementia changes their personalities drastically. A co-worker of mine described how her children could not believe that their angry grandmother had truly been a kind and patient mother until the confusion of Alzheimer's altered her.
My husband's grandfather, though, is a different case study. "Grandfather Kirk" was a missionary in Brazil for 40 years. He and his wife raised four children, all of whom continue in their faith and remain married to their original spouses.
Now, I don't think Grandfather was perfect in his early days. By most accounts, he was a bit hapless and depended heavily on the common sense of his wife to keep things rolling along. He was, however, steady and faithful in the things he believed and I don't think he's leaving his kids with any excessive emotional baggage. (Oh, if such an epitaph could be applied to me...)
Grandfather's dementia has progressed now to the point that he does not know his children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren. He does remember his Portuguese, and his Bible, and his manners. He is unfailingly polite. He welcomes us kindly and hospitably when we visit, and is obviously delighted that these kind people have come to see him. The fact that he is not exactly sure who we are does not seem to bother him a bit. He hosts us with aplomb.
His connection is most clear and sweet, however, with Emma Kate. She turned "two in September" ( that's her age, if you ask her), and she, too, is not real clear about who Grandfather Kirk is or why we're visiting him, but she's delighted to see him nonetheless. He makes funny animal noises, and he has some stuffed animals in his room, and that's all the raw material they need to start a wonderful conversation. It is, to those of us on the outside of their world, hilariously stream-of-consciousness and non-sensical interaction.
But Grandfather is taken with her chubby, clear-eyed sweetness, those blond curls, her willingness to trust him, her approach, her chatter, her arms flung around his neck. She brings him books and they look at the pictures together, talking earnestly of the adventures of Corduroy. He asks her, repeatedly, how old she is, and she never tires of answering, with delight, even, that she is "two in September."
As her older siblings hover shyly nearby, more aware of the loss of Grandfather's faculties, Emma Kate is aware of no loss, only of the presence interesting and engaging person who seems to like her.
And in their interaction, two human beings are connecting in some essential way that often gets obscured by pesky considerations like remembering someone's name or what day of the week it is. She loves him, because he's there, and he loves her. And he loves her, because, even in the depths of dementia, her sweetness and openness and vulnerability call forth the love that still resides in him, which, by God's grace, has not been lost along with so many of his gifts and capacities and memories.
Those two are living their lives at opposite margins-- one at the beginnings of awareness and one at the end of it. There is some incredible clarity in those outer margins, some things they know that we wise and able and "with-it" people who are in the middle of the journey can't see.
For a few minutes in a small nursing home room today, the most powerful force on the planet was unleashed between two of the most unlikely people. By day's end, the conscious memory of that moment is likely erased from their minds. But I was there, and I remember, at least for now.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanksgiving: The Hummer of the Holiday Family
On Thanksgiving eve, been thinking about how Thanksgiving is the Hummer of holidays.
It's all so very American: family, football, and an over-abundance of food. And it's the food consumption, that prompts me to make the Hummer parallel. Why buy an eight pound turkey when you can get a sixteen or twenty pounder?
Like the Hummer, it's mostly about having something bigger simply because you can.
I'm not complaining, not even critiquing necessarily. I'll be eating as much turkey goodness as I can on Friday (adjusted for family work schedules) as anyboyd.
I'm just making the perhaps overly-obvious point that we Americans are all about bigger and better--frequently making the false assumption that bigger is always better. And that this has been woven into the fabric of our culture from the very beginning.
Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!
It's all so very American: family, football, and an over-abundance of food. And it's the food consumption, that prompts me to make the Hummer parallel. Why buy an eight pound turkey when you can get a sixteen or twenty pounder?
Like the Hummer, it's mostly about having something bigger simply because you can.
I'm not complaining, not even critiquing necessarily. I'll be eating as much turkey goodness as I can on Friday (adjusted for family work schedules) as anyboyd.
I'm just making the perhaps overly-obvious point that we Americans are all about bigger and better--frequently making the false assumption that bigger is always better. And that this has been woven into the fabric of our culture from the very beginning.
Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Running Far with Turkey with Friends
This from my friend Marshall last week in a talk he gave to my students about authentic community:
"There's an African proverb that says this: If you want to run fast, run alone. If you want to run far, run with friends."
Good word for those of us who have gotten part-way through life mostly running ahead, mostly running alone.
This might also apply to turkey consumption on Thanksgiving day, but I have yet to really think through all of the possible applications.
"There's an African proverb that says this: If you want to run fast, run alone. If you want to run far, run with friends."
Good word for those of us who have gotten part-way through life mostly running ahead, mostly running alone.
This might also apply to turkey consumption on Thanksgiving day, but I have yet to really think through all of the possible applications.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Celebrating Chapter Retreat
This past weekend I rolled out with 140 of my closest friends/students to InterVarsity at UNC's annual Chapter Retreat. I've done fourteen years of chapter retreats--nine at VCU, now five with UNC. I think that this might have been the best of the fourteen.
Chapter retreat tradition is that the seniors give testimonies as the content for the weekend. This has served our chapter very well.
But this year, the seniors wanted to add talks as well--that is, they wanted to add teaching out of the Scriptures. I was anxious about this, to be honest. A bad testimony isn't but so bad--it's just someone's story. A bad talk can be flat-out awful.
I shouldn't have worried.
All the seniors who gave testimonies and gave talks prepared thoughtfully and delivered their messages with clarity and power. The rest of the senior class chipped in by leading worship, leading small groups, organizing free-time activities and generally just looking older and wiser than everyone else except us old staff workers.
But it wasn't just the seniors who made this weekend great. This community of around 300-plus is about as healthy and dynamic as I've ever seen it. Each class brings its' own flavor and energy and seems to be growing and maturing.
Even the sophomores who have two things going against them (sophomore slump and our abysmal fall last year) seem to be weathering things well and growing as a healthy community.
How things rise and fall in campus ministry is always a bit of a mystery made of many components: sometimes there's obvious reasons for things going well or poorly, sometimes it's just the cycle of student generations ebbing and flowing, sometimes God just decides to do something or mysteriously removes his presence for a season.
Whatever's happening right now, this past weekend was a great snapshot of a great season of life and ministry with IV at UNC-Chapel Hill....one of those times when I just feel privileged to be along for the ride.
Chapter retreat tradition is that the seniors give testimonies as the content for the weekend. This has served our chapter very well.
But this year, the seniors wanted to add talks as well--that is, they wanted to add teaching out of the Scriptures. I was anxious about this, to be honest. A bad testimony isn't but so bad--it's just someone's story. A bad talk can be flat-out awful.
I shouldn't have worried.
All the seniors who gave testimonies and gave talks prepared thoughtfully and delivered their messages with clarity and power. The rest of the senior class chipped in by leading worship, leading small groups, organizing free-time activities and generally just looking older and wiser than everyone else except us old staff workers.
But it wasn't just the seniors who made this weekend great. This community of around 300-plus is about as healthy and dynamic as I've ever seen it. Each class brings its' own flavor and energy and seems to be growing and maturing.
Even the sophomores who have two things going against them (sophomore slump and our abysmal fall last year) seem to be weathering things well and growing as a healthy community.
How things rise and fall in campus ministry is always a bit of a mystery made of many components: sometimes there's obvious reasons for things going well or poorly, sometimes it's just the cycle of student generations ebbing and flowing, sometimes God just decides to do something or mysteriously removes his presence for a season.
Whatever's happening right now, this past weekend was a great snapshot of a great season of life and ministry with IV at UNC-Chapel Hill....one of those times when I just feel privileged to be along for the ride.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Presuming more Recklessly on Grace
A couple weeks ago I was sitting down with a mentor that I'm just getting to know. He asked me about my spiritual disciplines.
I launched into my schpeal: I started reading the Scripture and praying nearly daily sometime during my sophomore year of high school. That time matured in college and post-college into a definitive and shaping component of my life as I added journaling to my daily ritual.
Then we had a kid. And the luxury of forty-five minutes to an hour all to myself every day over my Bible and in my journal got tanked.
At this point, he interrupted me: "So what did God do to make up for that?"
I was taken aback by the question. I spent at least two years looking in the rear-view mirror, frustrated by my inability to live up to what had to that point been a primary shaping instrument in my life.
But this mentor is older and wiser in the Lord than I am. He assumed that God is good. He assumed that if something was taken away from me, that God in his grace would act to replace it: "so what did God do to make up for that?"
And the thing is, God did make up for it, just as my mentor assumed he would.
My image of what my primary shaping influences post-college were is me over the Scriptures, in my journal, and reading books. This is not to discount the influence of many friends and in particular what I was learning about grace as I was formed and taught at West End Pres in Richmond, Va.
But my own perception of that time (and who knows what will happen at the end of all things to our own self-perceptions of any given season of our lives?) is very solitary, very focused, very much thinking and working things out on my own.
Post-my sons birth (six years ago on the 24th--happy early b-day Davis!), my primary shaping influences have become people and podcasts. Mentors have sprung up who have poured into me in specific and personal ways that I hadn't had since college. And some significant spiritual friendships have become crucial to my journey.
And podcasts have become critical, too, as I have lost the margin that was once filled with reading great books. Now I listen to sermons and leadership podcasts to and from work and as I run errands around town: Tim Keller, Andy Stanley, Willow Creek Leadership Summits, Marcus Buckingham, and others.
I posted earlier in the week about a patient expectation. This is still certainly a skill that I need to develop. But the instinct to ask the immediately expectant question, "so what did God do to make up for that" is also something that I need to learn as well...
I launched into my schpeal: I started reading the Scripture and praying nearly daily sometime during my sophomore year of high school. That time matured in college and post-college into a definitive and shaping component of my life as I added journaling to my daily ritual.
Then we had a kid. And the luxury of forty-five minutes to an hour all to myself every day over my Bible and in my journal got tanked.
At this point, he interrupted me: "So what did God do to make up for that?"
I was taken aback by the question. I spent at least two years looking in the rear-view mirror, frustrated by my inability to live up to what had to that point been a primary shaping instrument in my life.
But this mentor is older and wiser in the Lord than I am. He assumed that God is good. He assumed that if something was taken away from me, that God in his grace would act to replace it: "so what did God do to make up for that?"
And the thing is, God did make up for it, just as my mentor assumed he would.
My image of what my primary shaping influences post-college were is me over the Scriptures, in my journal, and reading books. This is not to discount the influence of many friends and in particular what I was learning about grace as I was formed and taught at West End Pres in Richmond, Va.
But my own perception of that time (and who knows what will happen at the end of all things to our own self-perceptions of any given season of our lives?) is very solitary, very focused, very much thinking and working things out on my own.
Post-my sons birth (six years ago on the 24th--happy early b-day Davis!), my primary shaping influences have become people and podcasts. Mentors have sprung up who have poured into me in specific and personal ways that I hadn't had since college. And some significant spiritual friendships have become crucial to my journey.
And podcasts have become critical, too, as I have lost the margin that was once filled with reading great books. Now I listen to sermons and leadership podcasts to and from work and as I run errands around town: Tim Keller, Andy Stanley, Willow Creek Leadership Summits, Marcus Buckingham, and others.
I posted earlier in the week about a patient expectation. This is still certainly a skill that I need to develop. But the instinct to ask the immediately expectant question, "so what did God do to make up for that" is also something that I need to learn as well...
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