One of the many occupational hazards of being a campus minister (along with prolonged exposure to cafeteria food and the stunting of vocabulary due to continued excessive use of words "dude" and "like" as punctuation) is extended time in youth "cool" culture. Most normal 32-year-olds spend their days in middle management in cube world contemplating how to move up to upper-middle management in cube world. I spend my days hanging out in the Union noticing that New Balances have taken over the top spot as the shoe company of choice of the cool kids.
So it was perfect-storm-like conditions a couple weeks ago when my Adidas backpack zipper broke (yes, I still wear a backpack every day to school) and I had birthday money burning a hole in my proverbial pocket. I had been eyeing cool, over-priced The North Face backpacks for the previous several months, and now it seemed that my time had come. I was going to have a new, cooler backpack.
But something happened in my soul as I zipped around on-line trying to find something a little cheaper than what I could find at my local overpriced outdoor store. The Lord called me to consider my motives for going after this backpack. As I considered it, the chase to be 'cool' in some ways is just the tip of the iceberg as I fight anxiously to be sure that I'm relevant and accepted and applauded by the students I work with. 'Cool' is a terrible master, it will always and forever be just beyond the next purchase of whatever.
In the process of praying about this, I came to a place of repentance in my motives. If I could buy the over-priced North Face backpack (which I had plenty of money to do) as worship, with much gratitude in my heart to the Lord for providing a good gift--if I could make the purchase in faith, hope, and love--then I would do it. If not, I would buy something else that would press me to grow past the tyranny of cool.
So yesterday I walked out of REI with my (admittedly) cool, new North Face backpack. Was the whole process an extended exercise in self-justification? Was I legitimately buying the pack in faith, hope, and love as I walked out the door singing a song of praise? Honestly, this side of heaven, I don't completely know. But I think that this kind of process, entered into honestly and openly before the Lord, will be what frees me from the tyranny of cool...and any other tyranny that vies for supremacy in my life.
9 comments:
good words alex. i love that you were able to finally act the age you look(15) and buy a new back pack for school with your birthday money, so cute.
but seriously, ive definitely begun to struggle with this issue throughout my college years. as the Lord has dealt with me in my pride for being an individual and not conforming to everyone else, not getting the "cool" stuff, and thinking im even cooler for it. which usually means im being prideful and judging a lot of people in the process. but that isnt too mean i should just conform then. it means, like you said, i need to check my motivation for not conforming- is it pride or is it to see God glorified. im reminded of Moses in Exodus- He nearly demands that the Lord go with him so that he would not conform, so that he would be set apart. Thats a good word for me, it reminds me to be sure in my identity in the Lord.
You missed the boat, AK - ALL the cool kids are buying Marmot Lumbar Packs (me and Josh Mullins did, you should, too).
http://marmot.com/products/product.php?cat=packs&subcat=16&style_id=H2267
alex, seriously doubt you know me, but i'm an old north chapter gal.. secretly reading your blog for a few weeks now. you are right on... now that i'm working and can afford the "cool" stuff.. do i give in?? what does it even mean for me to have it now? so many people i work with are beyond a lot of name brand stuff but part of me still wants to fill that hole from days past when i couldn't have it. how can i be the best steward of my money (even when i have extra that i call "mine").. .thanks for making me think... nothing like a staffworker to force a little "unpacking"
great thoughts reba (and others, but I gotta' give some extra love to the first-time post-er). I think that part of the reason why I'm still trying to be cool into my 30's is that I was always sort of outside cool for most of my high school days. i don't like to think of myself as a loser, more like a 'late-bloomer.' it's all a little silly, really. i respect folks like brandon (and my nine years at VCU really did teach me this lesson) who really can take delight in being themselves and not jumping on whatever bandwagon comes along. of course, as brandon said, that can bring it's own issues!
Love the post AK. I remember the battle well!
so what happens when you work with 13 year olds? Where cool is the latest Chris Brown Video or ATL coming out this weekend. Where is God leading me as I contemplate buying a new pair of fronts.
I still carry my Jansport Cordillerra 33 backpack to my cubicle in the lower-middle management world I live in. And I carry it with both straps over my shoulders ... not like the geeks who just use one shoulder. As for the pack that Marshall carries ... just code for "fanny pack." And I know where your REI is ... and I'm jealous because the nearest REI to me is 45 minutes away ... did I entirely miss the purpose of this post???
burly, i totally agree about the feaux-fanny pack; i refuse to wear those things until i hit aarp-land. Marshall, I am not down with that.
bart, i think keeping up with the 13-year-old set is both a more complicated and even more frivolous endeavour than trying to keep up with the 18-22 year-old set, but you're probably due for a new pair of fronts (whatever those are).
Marshall! I've totally got your back (side). Lumbar packs are the way to go. Don't let these guys get all backpack-aesthetic on you. Follow you heart. Look deep inside yourself. Believe. Give it 110% Go team!
Burly and AK, don't hate just because a) if my pack WAS a fanny pack (and I ain't sayin' it is), I am secure enough in myself to carry it and b) you are not brave enough to be cutting edge as well as proactive enough to save your own back and neck from uneccessary strain and wear and tear.
Thanks, Macon, for the love. Maybe you should get a LUMBAR pack for Aiden; it would only increase his rock star status.
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