So when you're in crisis or times of extreme grief, the worst thing that can happen is a visit by drive-by cliche guy.
Drive-by cliche guy (or girl) shows up in the midst of your grief or crisis and feels compelled to utter a pithy one or two sentence reason why what you're experiencing isn't really all that bad after all and why you shouldn't be so upset about it. He gets extra bonus points if it rhymes.
If you've ever been through grief, you've had it happen to you. Some of you are that person. On behalf of everyone in the entire world, please stop.
The people we most appreciate during times of crisis or grief often don't say anything memorable at all. They are simply walking with us. They grieve with us. They share in it as best they can. They don't attempt to fix us or our perspective--at least, not overly-quickly.
This is part of what's so compelling to me about Jesus as we pick back up on the questions Jesus asks throughout the Lazarus story in John 11.
Last Thursday we looked at the rhetorical question: "are there not twelve hours of daylight?" The invitation was to walk in the light...and sometimes I like that, sometimes I don't. On Friday we looked at the pinnacle question in John that Jesus directs to Martha smack dab in the middle of her grief: "I am the resurrection and the life...Do you believe this?"
A rather difficult time to be attempting to answer such a weighty question--you could almost call Jesus rude here. But Martha's response is extraordinary, one of the most compelling and humble and bold responses to Jesus in all the Scriptures.
The third question shows that Jesus hasn't just come to be drive-by cliche guy. After talking with Martha, Mary comes out to meet him as well. And after a brief interaction with her, Jesus asks a simple question: "Where have you laid him?" And then comes the briefest verse in all the Bible: "Jesus wept."
This is what friends do when someone dies. They weep. Jesus arrives on the scene, Lazarus is dead, he has already declared that he is coming to raise his friend back to life. But Jesus weeps.
"Where have you laid him?" is a question that invites us to bring Jesus to our saddest places, hardest places, most broken places.
The places where we've buried our hopes and dreams. The places where our lives have forked in ways that to us felt catastrophic: the break-up, the divorce, the rejection, the death of a loved one.
Jesus asks you and he asks me along with this crowd: "Where have you laid those dreams? Where did you bury your hopes? Can I come there and weep with you? True, I have come here to redeem and heal and to raise up new life. But before we get to that, I want to share in your sorrow. I want to walk alongside you in your pain. I love you. That, too, is why I have come."
This is one of the most compassionate questions Jesus asks throughout the Scriptures, "where have you laid him?" And it is good news to all of us as we experience our own seasons of sorrow, crisis, and grief. As things and people and hopes and dreams at times die and are buried. Jesus speaks a word of presence and comfort: I weep alongside you.
That, my friends, is a good and beautiful God.
5 comments:
I've had both extreme experiences. When my apartment burned down around me, I lost everything. & it took me 5 yrs to slowly get over it.
In the first few weeks & months I got many insensitive responses - "Be grateful, you're still alive" - I was in so much pain, that was not a comfort. And my dad, the ex-preacher - said "So what did you learn?" That put me in a rage.
On the other hand, my girl friend & my mom both - just cried - when they heard my cats had died from the smoke!. That was the best!
wow, donna, that's intense! it's amazing how hard people try to be helpful...and amazing how easy it actually IS to be helpful during times like that.
thanks for chiming in!
Hi Alex, Admiral Crowley here. There's also the "haven't heard from you in ages, we're not really friends so much anymore, but I heard you were devestated so I keep calling you" kind of person. This is the person who isn't there for the little things in your life, but now that there's something catastrophic they suddenly want to be all over you. As you probably know, my Dad died suddenly in the middle of the night in 2001 and a few of these popped up, trying to do their Christian duty I suppose. And recently my sister died after a 3-yr battle with breast cancer and my nieces/nephews were fending off these types from all over. Inappropriate drive-by support I tell you! Not authentic and not gonna cut it!
Oh and one more thing - I'm totally with Donna on the just cry with you thing!
Admiral Crowley, one of the greatest mysteries of this world is the disproportionately distributed amount of tragedy among peoples. Sorry to hear about your sister, I remember now about your dad.
I wonder if there's some study out there telling us if men or women are more likely to offer up bad cliches in times of crisis...i think it might be about even.
Post a Comment