How To Avoid Being Galactically Stupid When Someone Else is Grieving

So I've only known a handful of people who have endured the hardest of tragedies: the death of a close friend or family member, particularly when young.

But these folks report that what makes their grieving all the more painful are the galactically stupid things spoken by well-meaning friends and family members who don't know what else to say.

This is made only more annoying when those well-meaning friends are Christians and therefore feel as though they have theological backing (and perhaps necessity) to say those galatically stupid things.

So as a public service, here is are the top two-ish galactically stupid things to not say when someone is grieving the loss of a loved one:

"I know how you feel, our dog died last year and it was awful." [Note: changing the noun to "cat" or "hamster" is not any better.]

In fact, any assertion that you know "just how you feel" is generally unhelpful in situations of extreme trauma or grief.

And number two: "He/she is in a much better place." [Possibly theologically accurate, but not exactly what the grieving person needs at that point.]

In high school my youth pastor shared with us the one and only appropriate and helpful thing to say to someone who's experiencing extreme loss. Just one thing you need to be able to say that will save you from being annoying and will spare your friend the complication of having to deal with more galactic stupidity:

"I'm sorry." If you want to get more complicated than that: "I'm sorry for your loss." That's it. Anything more, and you're just getting yourself into trouble and making it harder on them.

Special note to teacher/pastor-types: it's especially hard to not offer un-helpful, possibly truthful, wisdom and teaching during crisis situations. But please learn to refrain.

A friend of mine passed along a great word from John Piper about how to be a pastor and not be galactically stupid in these situations: teach on the goodness and sovereignty of God from the pulpit. Hug them in the hospital. If you've taught them what they need to know in the front end, you don't have to preach to them in the moment.

This has been a public service announcement.