Control-Freaks-Anon & the Embrace of Mystery

"Hi, my name is Alex, and I'm a control freak."

"Hi, Alex."

So if you couple control-freak tendencies with leadership gifts, you can get some serious problems.

Add in a few books on leadership and management, and then add "spiritual" of "Godly" to either of those words, and it can get even more problematic. I'm not only getting more competent at being a control freak, I can also justify it by making it sound spiritual.

So as an aid to my repentance, the Lord gave me a gift the other day: Eugene Peterson's introduction to the book of Romans in my study Bible. As Peterson outlines Paul's themes in Romans, he suggests this one that has resonated in my soul: "his extravagant embrace of mystery."

Peterson goes on:

"Mystery, for Paul, is not what is left over after we have done our best to reason things out on our own. No, it is inherent in the very nature of who God is and how he works...

The mystery that Paul embraces is not the mystery of darkness that must be dispelled, but the mystery of light that may be entered.

God and his operations cannot be reduced to what we are capable of explaining and then reproducing. It takes considerable humility to embrace this mystery, for in the presence of mystery we are not in a position to control anything, predict outcomes, manage people, or pose as authorities."

The emphasis is mine, not Eugene's. It strikes to the heart of God's invitation to me to repent.

I can either submit to the mystery and enter into the light with hands open and willing to receive whatever the Lord has for me or I can continue to live under the illusion that I can manage outcomes and make things happen. Eventually the road forks and I cannot continue to try to do both.

The past couple of days I have been given a great gift: I have delighted to take a deep breath and submit to the mystery of God. I have found this to be extremely relieving and refreshing, which is surprising to me given how deeply ingrained my control freak nature is.

I'm praying that walking into the glad mystery of the light might be a disciplined part of my inner-life...otherwise, it'll be back to Control-Freaks-Anonymous for me.