A couple weeks ago I was sitting in church and I hit an icy patch of doubt. What's all this about? What am I doing here? Is this all just a bunch of made up crap that we tell ourselves to make us feel better about life? It spun me around for most of the day.
As I processed later that afternoon with my friend Sam, I came to a place of some clarity.
For most of the last thirteen years that I've been in ministry, I have critically evaluated our ministry and specifically our large group worship meeting structure from the eyes of a hypothetical, cynical, un-churched student. That is, I've sought to think about how a cynical un-churched student would respond to the ways that we talk about life, faith, worship, prayer, God.
In many ways this has blessed me and my ministry. I have worked hard with my student leaders to be more thoughtful in welcoming un-churched folks into our meetings. We do not build our worship services around what a visiting un-churched person would want, but we do a good job of inviting them to be a part of it, to enter in and see if God might meet them there.
But there is a downside to me viewing everything through the hypothetical cynical un-churched person in my head: that person can't actually worship. If I'm always evaluating, critiquing, finding fault or looking for things that might turn off this hypothetical cynical person then I'm not entering into the experience. Instead of thinking about what this person might think about the worship service, I'm actually becoming that person. I'm not actually receptive to the work of the Holy Spirit. I'm not actually worshipping the living God.
It is impossible to worship cynically. It does not matter what my church does or does not do well (according to the hypothetical person in my head) to engage un-churched people. My work on Sunday mornings is to worship God. If that is not happening, that is my fault.
And if I'm unable to worship God while I'm setting up shop in this perpetual state of cynicism, it is no wonder that I hit an icy patch of doubt once in a while. It might be time to leave that guy behind for a while
3 comments:
this i understand, and you have articulated it perfectly.
off to banish the little cynic sitting on my left shoulder....
The metaphor of hitting an icy patch is so perfect; you describe a lot of what I've been feeling lately.
One line that struck me with needed force: "It is impossible to worship cynically." How much I have to hear this.
Thanks for your true, well-articulated reminders.
thanks for checking in, beautiful people!
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