I've given lots of talks over the years. But this Thursday I'm giving a talk at a special large group meeting designed to engage with students who are not Christians. Our theme is God as Father and the baggage that comes with the "Father" label for so many who have had abusive/neglectful/distant/whatever fathers.
So I'm stressed. I'm having weird dreams. I want things to be just right. I have deep love for both students who have broken relationships with their dads and I have a deep love for the good news that we've got a Good Father who won't leave us. I want so badly to make this "love connection" for people who shut down to the idea of God as Father when it's the very essence of their deepest need.
Much of this semester thus far has been about the Lord revealing that I'm not in control. We had a baby in early September--prime time for reaching new students. We have a great first-year class anyway. Somehow, to my great shock and surprise, God managed to do his work even without me fully present.
This talk is another example of putting me in a place where the results are outside of my control. There is hypothetically freedom in trusting that God's in control and I'm not. But I'm having a hard time this week finding more than fleeting comfort in that.
The life of the souls abhors a vacuum; I wonder if anxiety is what fills the space between my unbelief and what is actually true.
1 comment:
"I wonder if anxiety is what fills the space between my unbelief and what is actually true."
or
"What if we are the metaphor?"
?
Can't decide which one is my favorite AK soundbite of the week... found both of these to be real thought-provoking.
My silliness: "Some day 'when I grow up,' perhaps I will think of really catchy, insightful soundbites that students can repeat so much it gets annoying!"
(In the meantime I find myself bugging Kate with how our entire lives "suck... but it's good" due to the fact the "hope wins," as supported by other fine quotations by the likes of Rich Lamb, Kevin Blue, and that semi-important Paul guy.)
On a slightly more serious note, hearing you, Jennifer, and Marshall talk about your continuing struggles with pride, fear, rest and margin deficits, etc., I think has been a real important part of my own journey in ministry as you've repeatedly shown me both how much grace the Father has for us and how many good gifts he's offering us if we're willing to take a risk with him. Thanks for your openness in sharing your continuing journey with us students.
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