Conflict

Last week's finish on campus wrapped up what has definitely been the hardest year (out of eleven total) I've ever had on campus.

There were a couple hugely significant and difficult events. But I think what I've struggled most with is that this year has been one of pretty constant criticism and conflict. I've never had so many various and different people upset at me about so many various and different things during my time in ministry.

My inner people-pleaser is not pleased. This is a good thing--part of the Lord's redemption of this year. The Father's pruning back of dead branches that suck life away hurts. It is a severe mercy that I (often reluctantly) submit to.

Some of this I knew I would be getting into when I left my former campus, Virginia Commonwealth University, and came back to my alma matter. The simple fact is that on the whole, VCU students are laid back and ridiculously teachable. UNC students, on the other hand, are selected and bred to be passionate critical thinkers. There's also a much greater sense of "entitlement culture" at Carolina than there was at VCU.

I knew that UNC students would push-back more--which I sort of knew that I needed. And they have. And at points this year I've given them plenty of reason to do so.

This has been humbling and frustrating, sometimes at the same moment. I've had to apologize often, stand my ground a handful of times, be in process with lots of folks. I'm grateful to many of them for how they've been gracious and patient with me. Many folks that I've had conflict with this year have handled it with integrity and an up-rightness that has been simply astounding. Others, not so much.

So here's the deal: Jesus tells us how to deal with someone who we have conflict with or who has sinned against us. He does this not simply for his own amusement, but so that we will actually do what he says. You can click here for the Scripture or I can summarize: go to the person first. If they won't listen to you, go back and take someone(s) with you. If they still won't listen, bring the matter before the larger church body.

Most of us, of course, get tripped up at step number one. And so the whole thing becomes a soap-opera circus debacle.

Much Christian community nastiness might be avoided if we actually did what our Lord commanded us regarding the proper handling of conflict.