Assessing My Ambitions

That sermon kicked off several days of internal assessment. A large part of my piebald life is trying to sort out my own desires, dreams and plans from the Lord's. This can make me hesitant to take risks or lead the ways that I sometimes need to.

But to understand Jacob's story in this fresh light and to see God's love for him (as well as God's own commitment to burn off the crap associated with his ambitions) gave me fresh energy to deal honestly with my desires before the Lord.

Monday morning, with the sermon still fresh on my mind, I was reading Sports Illustrated (my source for spiritual revelation second only to the Scriptures themselves). I was reading about Boise State's absolutely crazy (and shocking) win over Oklahoma in their Bowl game. As I read interviews and descriptions of the game, I found myself getting choked up. What is it about this, Lord, that strikes such a deep chord in me?

I think this is it: I want to be a part of something much bigger than myself. I want to be connected with a community or team of people that does something glorious, unique, remarkable. This impule in itself in not Godly--I would probably want this whether I were a Christian or not. But the way that God is at work shaping and refining me is to take these desires and wrap them around the Bigger Story.

What I found after a couple of days considerating these things was that of course I'm a pretty mixed bag. Motives are slippery things to get a hold of, and at best mine are mixed. But I think 6.5 days out of 10, I'm pretty excited about God's story. And I think that number is growing.