And so for many (but certainly not all) of us, the first and most consistent test of the reality of the gospel at work in our lives is this: the ability to forgive (and not excuse) ourselves.
Martin Luther once heard about a pastor who was wrecked with regret over something that had happened in his parish that he had a hand in. He could not forgive himself. And so Luther wrote him these words of wisdom which I will render as nearly as I can remember them: "You would prefer to be a painted [i.e. not real] sinner and to have a painted Savior. Alas for the good news: that you are a real sinner and He, a real Savior."
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