Going Watchless

So I have a confession to make.

Blogger: "My name is Alex, and I'm a control freak."
People: "Hi Alex!"

One of the ways that my control-freak nature works itself out is my relationship with time. I like to be on top of my time and be efficient; to set goals throughout my day to get stuff done by a certain time or get started on a project by a certain point in my day.

I know, some of you think I need serious help. Forgive me.

I'm captivated by what C.S. Lewis said about time--that for most of us it feels like an ill-fitting suit. He notes that time always seems to be passing either way too slowly or it seems to get away from us in an instant. We are never, as it were, fully settled in and comfortable with time. And the reason for that, Lewis argues, is that we are creatures built for eternity.

I've encouraged our student Coordinating Team to consider fasting over the summer from something (a meal, "Cops" re-runs, macrame, whatever) in order to pray for our work next fall. One primary thing that I'm fasting and praying for is how I spend my time on campus--specifically that I might have more time with students considering Christianity.

So it was very appropriate last week on my day of fasting (I was going to skip lunch) that as I was getting dressed in the morning, I saw that my watch had stopped. Given my desire to offer my time to the Lord in a more deliberate way this coming year and my propensity towards being a time-nazi control freak, I decided that it would not only be good to fast through lunch but it might also be a good exercise for me to fast from my watch.

What I found was that it was refreshing to be freed from my time-obsession. And it again reminded me that all spiritual disciplines are always a 'no' to one thing in order to say 'yes and amen' to something much greater. I am not simply skipping a lunch or going watchless. I am doing those things in order to clear the way for me to receive and to enter into a much greater thing.

In the Christian faith, the no always serves the yes, the fasting always serves and leads to feasting, the weeping is for the night but joy comes in the morning. God is a "YES" God.

I've continued to go watchless for the past several days, in order to be freed up from the tyranny of control and to be more alive and alert to the things that God might bring my way at any given moment: an e-mail prayer request, a phone call, something different than what I thought the next task might be.

I don't know if I'll remain watchless once the school year starts. But if I do I'll most assuredly have lots more Sunday mornings where I get to participate in the much greater reality.