"What do you want?" Jesus' question seems at first glance to be a poor primer for prayer. After all, aren't most all my prayers radically 'I want' focused? I write my prayers just about every day in a journal; I can look back at page after page of request after request.
But what this question does, at least for me, is it won't let me go that easily. If I let it, the question burrows down into my soul. "What do you want?" I start with the first layer of wants: those produced by advertisers and my own general desire for 'stuff' or things. By God's grace, these are often exposed as too-small answers for so great a question.
"What do you want?" The question continues to press into me. It burrows to another layer: an event on campus to go well, a child to sleep a little longer, the needs of family and friends and a myriad of other things that find their source on to-do lists or calendars. These carry more weight. I find that He is glad to share my burdens. But my life is not simply the sum of to-do lists or events on the calendar or even the concerns of my friends and family.
"What do you want?" The question presses deeper still. I find another layer of wants: relationships that need healing, issues in our marriage that need to be resolved (not that we ever actually have any of those), the eternal things of souls and brokenness in the students lives that I work with.
"What do you want?" The question keeps doing it's work, unraveling my tangled web of conflicting desires, and mixed motivations. It sifts out my thin dreams, hopes, and desires from those that are substantive, thick, and real. It teaches me to pray boldly, humbly, with honesty and authenticity. It teaches me to be a son as I learn to relate to my good Father. The Spirit does this, as He presses into me with this gentle, unassuming question: "What do you want?"
2 comments:
Alex, I just wanted to let you know how much asking that question helped me over retreat. I was feeling, not burn-out exactly, but I guess more like I was having some personal-life issues that were dragging me down. When I really started thinking about what I wanted, though, I was able to see not just my selfishness (which I'd already on a more superficial level known was there) but also how this was affecting my effectiveness as a leader. I went into that retreat of silence knowing I needed to fix some things but honestly not wanting to, but somehow really looking at what I wanted, why I wanted it, and how that was affecting me changed something, and I left feeling really cleansed and refreshed. Sorry, this probably only makes sense to me, but basically, YES, it's such a great question to ask! It really helped me examine my heart in a deeper way, and I thank you very much for helping me ask that. :o)
thanks, ashleigh! that's encouraging to hear. the way this works is i get changed and challenged by the scriptures free of charge and i pass the savings on to you!
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